. : ordinary time : .

Back!

2007-08-04T10:40:00.000-04:00

I am back from Cleveland/Gambier. It was a nice trip, very good for me. Well, except for the cold I caught. I thought it was an "extra-strength" cold, since it had made my head and my lungs gunky. Surprise, surprise: when flying back in, my ears wouldn't readjust to the ground level altitude. I couldn't hear, and it was extraordinarily painful. I wouldn't recommend it.

So off I went to the urgent care center, because this just wasn't normal. (It took forever, even though there weren't any other patients.. what is it with those places?) Verdict: ear infection. Or in the words of the NP, "Whoa... I haven't seen ears this red and inflamed on anyone over the age of two.. ever."

So off I go in search of antibiotics on Sunday night. I love adventures. Meanwhile, in other news, it is hot here. And there's no AC at home, which is where I have spent the week since, sounding like a woman with 60 pack-year lungs, wheezing and grumpy. I am not good at being sick. I get whiny and grump a lot. The heat doesn't help, either, because for some reason it made it much more difficult to breathe.

Anyway, I finished my antibiotics, and am hopefully on the way to a full recovery. Last night, we (I) decided that I had had enough of the heat and needed to get out. So we went off to Firehouse Pizza Place in the Square and then saw the Bourne Ultimatum. No spoilers, I promise, but it was one of the best movies I've seen in a long time. Perhaps in my top ten ever. Strongly recommended. (And far better than HP&OP -- which was fine, but not great.)

Temps to the 90s today -- we think we'll go bask in AC comfort at the b-school where the Fisher has an office.

I got the Blues

2007-07-13T19:38:00.000-04:00

I have been in a Major Blue Funk.

Now, these come around every now and then, and I've got reason to believe that this one is on it's way, but I really really hate these things. *In case you're worried, I'm not depressed. I know the difference.

You know how it is (or maybe not, lucky ducks): you just don't have any motivation. Sitting on the couch and playing freecell and watching TNT for hours looks like a good day. It's hard to get moving, and even though you're being ultra-lazy, you're also simultaneously tired. You don't like it, but the Major Blue Funk has got you in its hands. (Can a funk have hands? Anyway...)

In the middle of all this, I talked to my mother (dangerous, that). I mentioned that I was in a bit of a funk, and she said: "Well. You know those Dunns (genealogy has a lot to answer for -- they're like five generations back! Where was I?) Those Dunns, they're prone to melancholy." Oh, right. I'm in a funk because of people 100 years ago. I fully agree that depression and its cohorts are in part due to heredity, but really.

I finally got back into the swing of things yesterday (okay, finally = after 6 days). And today, I was downright productive! It is really hard to be productive when you're studying for an exam that you may or may not take in six months, by the way. Best intentions aside, the motivation is very low.

So let's hope that I can build some momentum and keep up the good work! No more of the blues!

purely for amusement purposes

2007-07-11T23:45:00.000-04:00

I promise! I take these things with a grain of salt, but they can be amusing and not entirely inaccurate. 50 points - and the house cup - to anyone who can guess which is most accurate and which is absolutely untrue. (I couldn't quite help the HP reference.. now when oh when will I see the movie? Vital matter.. I'm trying to carefully balance my need to avoid the crowds and craziness with my desire to watch. Harry. Potter. NOW.)

What Your Latte Says About You

You are very decadent in all aspects of your life. You never scale back, and you always live large.

You can be quite silly at times, but you know when to buckle down and be serious.

Intense and energetic, you aren't completely happy unless you are bouncing off the walls.

You're addicted to caffeine. There's no denying it.

You are responsible, mature, and truly an adult. You're occasionally playful, but you find it hard to be carefree.

You are expressive and friendly, but you are never pushy.

What Does Your Latte Say About You?

Friday Five: Gifts and Talents!

2007-06-29T17:57:00.000-04:00

1. Personality tests; love them or hate them?
Love them -- but they're not the Gospel truth in any sense of the word. But as a tool to open up conversation and to think about things with a new paradigm... they have their uses.

2. Would you describe yourself as practical, creative, intellectual or a mixture?
I'd say a mixture of practical and intellectual. I'm a bit of a nerd, about just about everything. I'm not really at all creative, which always grieves me a bit, because it seems like it would be nice to have that gift.. But alas, no. Brains and a gift for tinkering, that should be enough for one ordinary girl.

3. It is said that everyone has their 15 minutes of fame; have you had yours yet? If so what was it, if not dream away what would you like it to be?
I haven't had it and don't particularly want to. Just let me toil and work.. that's all the satisfaction I need. (As an example, I haven't been to any of my graduations. I loved the work, I had plenty to be proud of, but I'm not interested in the spotlight. Just give me something to research and learn about, or a mechanical problem to solve.)

4. If you were given a 2 year sabbatical (oh the dream of it) to create something would it be music, literature, art.....something completely different...share your dream with us...
I'd probably work out a plan for reading, research and writing. I can imagine trying to write a book someday.

5. Describe a talent you would like to develop, but that seems completely beyond you.
Art. I can't draw or paint. Knitting, needlepoint, cross-stitch, and crochet, I can do, because there are rules and patterns to follow. But I can't come up with a vision of something and create it. My friend Miranda can do this, and I admire it tremendously.

Bonus question: Back to the church- what does every member ministry mean to you? Is it truly possible to encourage/ implement?
This isn't a term I hear bandied about -- but I think it's the same thing we Episco's call baptismal vocation? Hrm. Anyways, to me, baptismal vocation is the idea that every person is a minister of the Church by virtue of their baptism. I believe it to be true, and that this understanding needs to be encouraged more. Implement? I think God is implementing it in ways that we as people of an institution can never grasp. It may not be that every person participates in the institutional life of the church in the way we think they ought, but that doesn't mean that they aren't ministers of the Gospel in ways we can't grasp. I don't think baptismal vocation is something to be implement, but something to be claimed as an affirmation of what God is up to in the world through each and every one of us.

not again!

2007-06-25T20:01:00.000-04:00

I've been a bit delinquent in my blogging.. dare I say neglectful?

Let's see: I finished the spring semester, I worked through mid June at the University Chaplaincy, and I'm now taking a summer intensive course on preaching (2 weeks, 2.5 hrs per day, four more days). And then, I'll relax for a few weeks in July before going to the Kenyon Summer Conference on the MDGs. In August, more rest and a trip home to Georgia. And then, before you know it, September will be here, and I'll get right back into the midst of things!

I'm afraid I don't have anything terribly interesting to say.. the most interesting thing to happen today was the solicitors who rang the bell around 8pm. Now, this happens a lot, as we live in a dense city and a particularly well-off neighborhood (nevermind that we live in an apartment and with both of us in grad school... well, you get the picture). So I go to the door, and look through the peephole. I see the binders and the gear of solicitors. And I think to myself, it's been a long day, from class to several hours of copying and then the gym, all while hauling around a 20-lb messenger bag -- quite literally, since I took the liberty of weighing it at the gym. I decided not to open the door, since I would only have to tell them that I'm not interested. I waited until they went away, and then went off to see what Steve was making for dinner. Five minutes later, I hear someone yelling outside about how "they" wouldn't even open their door. Yep, that would be me. And I don't seem to feel very guilty at all.. well, maybe just a little. Soliciting is a terrible job, but that doesn't mean I want to deal with it in my own space.

Books! More books! Friday Five

2007-06-15T11:08:00.000-04:00

This is my kind of Friday Five! I love books -- I read all the time. I have my own books, of course, but I also have library cards to three library systems (public, seminary, the university nearby). I'm the only person I know who maxed out her library card at 14 (75 books -- I mean, really Geauga County, do you think that's enough for me?) The librarians swore I single handedly raised their circulation levels when I was in town.

I take my books seriously :)

1. Fiction what kind, detective novels, historical stuff, thrillers, romance????

Mysteries, histoical fiction, epics, romance, scifi/fantasy, children's lit, nonfiction, poetry, classics -- I pretty much read everything. Very eclectic!

2. When you get a really good book do you read it all in one chunk or savour it slowly?

Ah, well, I really have no patience.. I can't stop, once I start reading a book (unless I've read it before, and some times not even then!).. this is dangerous. Ever since I was little, if I started a book at bedtime or before I needed to do something or be somewhere, I couldn't put it down. I can't tell you how many times I would be up till 3am or reading surrepticiously in my lap during class. Yeah, I got in trouble a lot for reading.

3. Is there a book you keep returning to and why?

I reread books all the time, so I'll stick to the most unusual returning pattern. I've read the James Herriot books (all five, 300+ pages each) at least twice a year since I was in fourth grade. Sometimes more often than that. I'm very fond of them -- it's like meeting an old friend.

4. Apart from the Bible which non-fiction book has influenced you the most?

That's a tough one.. I don't know if I could say which has influenced me the most. One of my favorites, though, is Bill Bryson's The Mother Tongue: English and How It Got that Way. It's funny and interesting. Most importantly, it's funny -- I reread this one too.

5. Describe a perfect place to read.

I like to be comfy when I read -- couch, bed, squishy big chairs. The perfect place is anywhere horizontal with a cushion, pretty much.

yum yum YUM!

2007-06-11T13:40:00.000-04:00

Our friend Hallie came over for dinner last night, and after cooking up some very tasty bolognese and pasta, we made PB&J bars, adapted from Ina Garten's Barefoot Contessa at Home.

And let me tell you... they are good! Definitely good enough to stay up late for. Recipe to follow!

Lesson No. 132

2007-06-07T17:11:00.000-04:00

Do not commute by bicycle when the tourists are in town.

You might think that sensible drivers would check for oncoming cars before attempting to parallel park, and that in so doing they might notice the bicyclist toodling along at 3 mph, and therefore NOT swing their behemoth SUV directly into said bicyclist's path... but no. You would be wrong.

And it is for this reason that I say unto you: Life lesson no. 132 is Remember that the tourists aren't accustomed to cyclists in the road. For your safety, do not commute by bicycle when the tourists are in town.

F5: Bad Habits are my secret vice

2007-05-25T10:02:00.000-04:00

1. Have you ever successfully quit a bad habit, or gotten a good habit established? Tell us about how you did it.

I used to bite my fingernails and pull on my toenails, so that they would look ratty and often a bit raw. I started wearing nail polish at all times for a full year. By the time I stopped with the polish, I had gotten out of the nail biting type habit.

2. "If only there were a 12-step program for _________________!"

Freecell addiction.

3. Share one of your healthy "obsessions" with us.

Yup, freecell. Relatively harmless.. sometimes gets in the way of doing work, but does no harm. As Husband would tell you, I'm well and truly obsessed. 11,000 games in a year. And yes, that's an average of 30 games per day.

4. Share the habit of a spouse, friend or loved one that drives you C-R-A-Z-Y.

My mom leaves the milk and butter out on the counter all the time. It drives me up the wall.

5. "I'd love to get into the habit of ___________________."

Not over sleeping. But it's very hard to get up when there's someone warm and snuggly nearby. I did try to kick the habit by giving up the snooze alarm during Lent... but, uh, that failed.

Bonus: What is one small action you might take immediately to make #5 a reality?

Hmm. I think I'll try to go to bed earlier consistently, and shift my sleeping clock.

nervous

2007-05-13T22:10:00.000-04:00

The Boss+ is away at Credo effective tomorrow, which means I am in charge for the next week. This is a one-priest show, and I am the very part-time assistant seminarian. And yet, the show must go on, Boss+ or not.

I am so incredibly nervous. I've only been left in charge of Sunday once before, and it was not a raving success, partly because I was trying to keep track of so many things at once. So hopefully this week will go ten times better. Firstly, because I don't want to muck things up, especially as I am coming to the end of my time at the Chaplaincy, and I'd like to end on a good note. And because I just plain don't want to muck things up, for the sake of the Boss+ and his return. Secondly, because I need to learn how to take charge of a situation with many moving parts and keep them working in harmony. My last time out of the gate has left me doubting my own abilities to do this, so I'm hoping to boost my confidence a bit.

So pray for me, friends, that the next week goes well, and that my farewell week does as well -- my last day is Pentecost, and I'll be preaching. Hip hip hooray!

*Oh, and I especially give thanks that this trip did NOT coincide with finals at the Sem. That would have been a bad scene.

RGBP: Friday Five!

2007-05-10T23:17:00.000-04:00

1. Mac? or PC?
PC -- not because I don't know that Mac is better, but because I've been around PC's since I was like 3 years old and I just get them. See, that's me!

2. Pizza: Chicago style luscious hearty goodness, or New York floppy and flaccid?
Chicago!

3. Brownies/fudge containing nuts:
a) Good. I like the variation in texture.
b) An abomination unto the Lord. The nuts take up valuable chocolate space.
Or C: I like it both ways!

4. Do you hang your toilet paper so that the "tail" hangs flush with the wall, or over the top of the roll like normal people do? Over the top! And if the spouse has put it the wrong way, I have to move it.

5. Toothpaste: Do you squeeze the tube wantonly in the middle, or squeeze from the bottom and flatten as you go just like the tube instructs?
I'm wanton with my toothpaste, apparently.

small update

2007-05-10T11:35:00.000-04:00

You don't know how glad I am to have turned in all my work.

Last night was great -- no worries, and we had my friend Hallie over for dinner. It was lovely. She's moving away soon, maybe, and we decided that she needed to know how to cook something for herself. So we invited her for a cooking lesson, and it was super fun! Steve taught her how to dice onions and shallots, trim green beans, saute chicken, make a pan sauce, cook rice pilaf. I mostly stood around and drank wine and ate some very tasty cheese.

It was all delicious! Sauteed chicken with a pan sauce served over rice pilaf so that the rice soaked up all the tasty juices, with blanched and sauteed green beans tossed with carmelized shallots.

After dinner we made Nutella Cupcakes (recipe), which were absolutely fantastic. Hallie got regalled with stories of my family, which is always entertaining, and she also wanted to see the wedding photographs. And then we noticed that 4 hours had flown by and it was nearly midnight. Ooops!

We're going to do another lesson next week (Stirfry!). And I've decided that cooking lessons for real life might be a good gift to any church fundraiser, silent auction type of thing. And that when we're no longer renting, we're going to have a kitchen where it's easier to cook in tandem. And there will be a bar counter for people to hang out an socialize while others are cooking.

done!

2007-05-09T19:27:00.000-04:00

hip hip hooray!

more later... I'm going to savor this evening :)

hungry

2007-05-08T13:41:00.000-04:00

for dirt cups.

Maybe someone with kids (miranda?) will take pity on me, and we can make them together and then I'll have an excuse :)

papers proceeding, due tomorrow. yep. nose, meet grindstone. he's your friend.

on another note, it's HI-larious that I was taking a nap at 9 in the morning today.

getting through

2007-05-07T13:47:00.000-04:00

papers, papers everywhere..

I am a sonnet!

2007-05-01T19:14:00.000-04:00

I am the sonnet, never quickly thrilled;
Not prone to overstated gushing praise
Nor yet to seething rants and anger, filled
With overstretched opinions to rephrase;
But on the other hand, not fond of fools,
And thus, not fond of people, on the whole;
And holding to the sound and useful rules,
Not those that seek unjustified control.
I'm balanced, measured, sensible (at least,
I think I am, and usually I'm right);
And when more ostentatious types have ceased,
I'm still around, and doing, still, alright.
In short, I'm calm and rational and stable -
Or, well, I am, as much as I am able.

What Poetry Form Are You?

RGBP: Friday Five (late..)

2007-04-28T22:02:00.000-04:00

1. Wearing
black terry gym pants, random t-shirt, husbandy's black zip sweater

2. Pondering
end of semester craziness

3. Reading
presently: crazybusy, united states of arugula, king arthur baking companion, romans & various commentaries, history of christianity v.1, celtic daily prayer, walden (by thoreau), more blogs than I can count, the nytimes.com

4. Dreaming
of a day without rain, and - if not - the time to play in the rain puddles

5. Eating
just finished israeli spice chicken and roasted beets (with a smidge of grated parmesan)

Monday Eucharist, Third Week of Easter

2007-04-25T11:17:00.000-04:00

Acts 6:8-15, Psalm 27:10-18 (BCP), John 6:22-29

When are we hungry for the food of eternal life? And when is our hunger – while no less real or necessary – for temporary comfort?

Jesus’ words are demanding; his words require us to recognize the difference between the two, to discern, so that we will not mistake one for the other. He calls us to make a conscious choice of the food that is eternal.

Underneath all of this, underlying the discernment and choice that Jesus is calling us to – is our belief. This seems almost too simple. What does Jesus mean, that the work of God is belief in the One who is sent? I’ve got this idea of what work is – and it’s a lot more busy and complicated and multitasking than just believing. Work is a collection of tasks, aimed at certain goals. Work begins at 9 and ends at 5. (Or, if you’re in seminary, work requires all of your waking hours and some of the sleeping ones too.) The kind of work that I imagine for myself – and perhaps this is true for you also – is not the work that Jesus describes. And as painful as it might be to recognize, my accomplishments, my completed tasks, and even my goals are not, cannot and should not be the center. Jesus rightly calls us to remember that our central purpose is to believe. Not – despite all indications to the contrary and with apologies to the faculty and Commission on Ministry types out there – to excel at all theological enterprises, enter the competition for Most Valuable Priest, or even to please those around us. Our work is to believe.

It is a constant struggle to hold back the rushing and busy-ness that seem to infect modern life. For me, this becomes a distraction from the most essential work that Jesus calls each and every one of us to: belief in the One whom God has sent.

And when we gather, as we have now, to do the work of the people – liturgy – we affirm our belief not as individuals, but as a community. Before we break bread together, we affirm our faith in creeds and prayers. The two are bound together; indeed, the whole act of eucharist is a symbol, not because it is any less real, but because it points beyond itself, beyond this moment and this particular gathering to a reality that is deeper, greater … eternal.

This is why the eucharist – which has its root in chara, the greek word for joy – is so central in my own life: it gathers my community and links us together through listening to the Word, sharing our faith, and creating sacred space for our fellowship at the table of God.

But the story of our life together in Christ does not end with affirmations and fellowship. This is one movement of a greater symphony – in which each part contributes to the whole. If we were to celebrate the Eucharist alone, our faith would be diminished. Our life would be diminished. We would be diminished.

Our life in Christ requires of us risk-taking, pursuit, and perseverance. Even with misguided intentions, the crowd pursued Jesus across the sea. As John recounts it, finding neither Jesus not the disciples where they expected them to be, they themselves got into boats and pursued him. Passivity has no place in our life together in Christ. How might we be called to follow after Christ, to pursue a relationship and connection?

Likewise, Stephen, “full of grace and power,” spoke and argued, all the while proclaiming Christ with great vigor. And when this put him in peril, he did not retreat. He did not back down or relent. He did not become quiet and timid. He was steadfast in his faith, and it shone through his whole being, so that even the council could not avoid seeing it. Fear, too, has no place in our life together in Christ. How might we be called to act with courage, to persist in speaking the good news of justice, compassion and reconciliation?

For the grace and power that filled Stephen and gave him the strength to face hatred and anger and condemnation are not the stuff of two millennia past, but the gifts of God to the people of God – to us. We can see these at work in people that we know. Each of us has probably met one person whose faith in Christ Jesus vibrates through their whole being, someone who is so alive, vibrantly alive in Christ that we long to know their secret. We long to be so sure, so confident, so courageous – pick your adjective.

I’ll be the first to admit to this little bit of jealousy, although I’m not exactly proud of it. I want to be like that priestly person over there – the one who always seems to have a smile on and never seems fazed by the craziness of this church. Her faith in God seems so deep that nothing can undermine it. And she has a great sense of style too! It’s just not fair.

But the thing of it is, the gifts of grace and power that I see radiating from certain people are not given to them to the exclusion of everyone else. (Although perhaps the sense of style is not so widely available.) Even as I long to be just like that person over there, God longs for me – as for each one of us – to find my own unique gifts. And when I find my voice, my calling, my sense of self and of pastoral identity, I will find the gift of grace and power that have been there all along, waiting for me to live out my belief more fully and more truly, not according to some ideal, but according to God’s deepest desire for me.

It is not perishable food that will sustain this kind of life, but the eternal and spiritual food that comes from God. Sometimes I wonder if I mistake the comfort and support of Christian fellowship for that which comes from God. Both are good, and both are necessary for our life in Christ, but they are not the same. Fellowship waxes and wanes. Friends, spiritual ones included, come and go. Our graduating friends have laid plans for new lives, and we are beginning to say good-bye and to make plans to stay in touch. But as some remain and others disperse to new communities, jobs and relationships, the friendships we’ve made here will change. Our friends will leave soon, and in September we will welcome new colleagues, and perhaps soon to be friends.

But the love of God abides, and the comfort and support that come from God abide; and these remain present to us in the breaking of the bread. “The Lord will sustain,’ in the words of the Psalmist. You. Me. Each and every one of us, our whole community, near and far. Without ceasing.

In our lives and in the Eucharist we share, God is present, nourishing and sustaining. Waiting for us to come and be fed, not by perishable food, but by spiritual food, the bread and wine, the body and blood, which strengthen each one of us to go forth to proclaim the good news that we have come to believe in the days after Easter: Christ is our risen saviour! Alleluia! Alleluia! Amen!

tagged!

2007-04-18T17:34:00.000-04:00

Thanks to Mrs. M, you now get to know the six weirdest things about me! I'm sure this was a critical gap in your knowledge base...

1. My joints crack all the time. All of them. Toes, ankle, knee, hip, each vertebra, shoulders, elbows, and each joint of every finger. I enjoy facilitating this. I can crack my big toes about twice each minute during every waking hour. I especially enjoy the sound they make when this is done underwater or against a metal pipe. Husband hates this.

2. I hate to wear socks. I never wear socks if I can help it, but I do wear them with shoes. I don't like other people to wear socks if their feet will come into contact with my feet. Husband isn't allowed to wear socks when he is around me. (I'm not sure he likes this rule either.)

3. I love doing taxes. I get tremendous pleasure out of it. This year, I got up at 7am on February 2nd to do our taxes, and it was terribly exciting because I had to learn how to do joint taxes and how to manage the different circumstances that Husband and I are in now (income as a self-employed person, scholarship and grant monies). I found some errors in Husband's past taxes when I looked through his "file", and I got him 800$ back from the state.

4. I have a hard time getting anywhere quickly. I stop to chat, I stop to look at flowers, I stop to observe the squirrels, my special friends. It might take me 45 minutes to go less than half a mile on campus. I meander, stroll, amble. Call it what you like, but don't expect me to travel quickly from point A to B. [Husband finds this difficult, because he usually ends up losing me because he doesn't notice when I stop moving.]

5. I have very strong food preferences. I do not like raw fruits except for apples, pears and bananas, but fruits that are cooked or fruit flavors are fine. I love vegetables, but not meat. I'll eat bologna, but not steak. (Boloney is not meat.) I hate whole milk and only ever use it in cooking. In fact, I can only have skim milk, and only in cereal or with cookies, because I just hate the taste of milk. (Skim milk is more like water, and that's a good thing.) I either like an ingredient, or I don't. If I don't, I will not eat it. The upside is that I have very few regional preferences, so that food from anywhere (with acceptable ingredients of course) or of various flavor profiles is totally cool with me. I am not a fan of mixing sweet and sour/salty/savory, though. [Husband is frustrated by this, because it limits what he can cook and where we can go on dates.]

6. I do not like chocolate and fruit flavors, i.e. chocolate flavored with raspberry and so on. Husband likes this, because he gets to eat them all!

Bonus: I brush my teeth with hot water.

Let's see.... Weird Bird in Love (with hugs), and.. everyone else I was planning to tag has already been there and done that.. so I'll just reflect on the circularness of the blog-o-sphere.

2007-04-16T17:15:00.001-04:00

You’re St. Melito of Sardis!

You have a great love of history and liturgy. You’re attached to the traditions of the ancients, yet you recognize that the old world — great as it was — is passing away. You are loyal to the customs of your family, though you do not hesitate to call family members to account for their sins.

Find out which Church Father you are at The Way of the Fathers!

it was the baking fairy, I swear!

2007-04-09T17:27:00.000-04:00

You'd think, after all that cooking for the Easter Feast, that I would have been entirely cooked out. But no -- I was inspired!

I was ruminating on the leftovers of our culinary ~~foolhardiness~~ adventure, and lo, I thought of something interesting to do with them!

Why, I thought to myself, there's cocoa powder, and there's hazelnuts. Didn't I see a recipe three years ago that I could adapt to this? And the idea was born. I thought for a while -- do I really want to do this? After all that cooking?

And several hours of dithering later, I finally committed to it! Out comes the flour and the sugar bins, the cocoa powder and the hazelnuts. Do I have enough of everything? Chocolate chips? Check. Eggs? Check. Confectioners' sugar? Check. Haul out the Kitchen Aid. Whisk or paddle? Paddle. Spend several minutes learning how to operate said machine.

Now: measuring cups, teaspoons, tablespoons, ramekins for mis en place. And here we go!

Double Chocolate Hazelnut Biscotti
Makes about 1 dozen

1 c unbleached all-purpose flour
¼ c unsweetened cocoa powder
½ tsp baking soda
½ tsp salt
3 tbs unsalted butter, softened
½ c granulated sugar
1 large eggs
½ c hazelnuts, chopped
½ c semisweet chocolate chips
1 tsp confectioners’ sugar

Put a rack in middle of oven and preheat oven to 350 degrees. Butter and flour a large baking sheet, knocking off excess flour. (Or use a silpat.)

Whisk together flour, cocoa, baking soda, and salt in a bowl. Beat together butter and granulated sugar ina large bowl with an electric mixer at high speed until combined, about 30 seconds. Add egg and beat until well combined. Stir in flour mixture; dough will be stiff.

Stir in hazelnuts and chocolate chips with a strong spoon. Spoon out onto a large piece of saran wrap. Fold the plastic wrap over the dough and begin to shape into a slightly flattened 12x2-inch log. Turn over onto the baking sheet (or silpat). Sprinkle with confectioners’ sugar.

Bake until slightly firm to the touch, about 35 minutes. Cool log on baking sheet on a rack for 5 minutes, leaving oven on.

Transfer log to a cutting board. With a serrated knife, cut diagonally into ¾-inch-thick slices. Arrange slices cut side down in one layer on a baking sheet (it’s fine if slices are touching). Bake until crisp, 10 minutes. Transfer to racks to cool.

Nota bene:
The biscotti keep in an airtight container at room temperature for up to 1 week.

Adaptation based on a recipe in The Gourmet Cookbook.

Another wild Paschal Feast

2007-04-09T12:36:00.000-04:00

I work at the Episcopal Chaplaincy of the University, and it's become a great tradition that S. and I cook for the group periodically. Last fall, we did a chili night and also a Make-Your-Own Taco crowd pleaser. Earlier this semester, we had a fantastic Shrove Sunday Supper, complete with pancakes, sausage, spinach and goat cheese fritatta, and - of course - syrup.

But all of these pale in comparison to preparations for Easter Dinner.

We plan Easter Dinner as a major celebration, in part because many of our students are far from the comforts of home and family, but also because gathering together is an important part of celebrating the Sunday of the Resurrection. So, it's become a tradition in my time there to celebrate Easter with a feast.

S. and I spend the weeks before planning out what to serve, this year with the wisdom of the year before. Creamed spinach? No, no, remember that it took us (me!) 3 hours to clean and stem the 6 pounds of it last year. You're right -- but what should we make? Not something else green; we're already serving asparagus and zucchini. Perhaps carrots? Yes! But wait -- do we have enough space in the oven to roast carrots and potatoes and a leg of lamb? Perhaps not. But carrots would be excellent. Should we do the carrots on the stove? The potatoes?

Eventually, we came to a conclusion: sauteed carrots, roasted herbed potatoes, the cumin-rosemary roast leg of lamb, which accompanied: chilled asparagus with citrus vinaigrette, parmesan zucchini, braised beef estouffade, pasta tossed in the braising liquid.

What am I missing? Oh yes! The desserts! "Sin," a three layer chocolate cake: chocolate hazelnut cake, chocolate mousse, and chocolate ganache in a hefty 5-inch tall delight. Plus, a trifle with orange sponge cake, macerated strawberries, raspberries and blueberries, and mascarpone whipped cream.

A fantastic meal! It took us two days to put together, and involved 48 ounces of heavy cream, 4 lbs of carrots, 5 lbs of asparagus, 6 lbs of zucchini, 10 lbs of boneless chuck roast, and several pints of berries.

Whew! Hooray for Easter Monday as a holiday! I'm exhausted, and there's a lot of cleaning up still to do.

one of those days...

2007-04-02T17:12:00.000-04:00

Do you ever have one of those days that just doesn't come together right? No great disasters, no catastrophic failures. Just one of those days....

Today was one of those days for me. I slept too much Sunday afternoon, so I was half-awake all night. I didn't have enough money on my bus card, so I had to beg the driver to let me stay on. Chapel, breakfast, class, lunch -- all fine. I walked across the River to go to the gym. I really needed to go, since it had been almost a week since my last sojourn there. I get there, I go in, I get a day locker key. And what do I find? My hair stuff had opened and got soapy liquid all over my gym clothes. No workout for me. So I pack back up, take the key back -- and of course the desk clerk gives me a funny look and says, 'Didn't you just get here?' Yes. Yes, I did.

And I walk back across the River and catch a bus (after refreshing my card) to go home.

The only good thing out of all this was the 30 minutes I spent walking from school to gym to bus station. I am darn well counting this as my excercise for the day!

One of those days... in the drizzle and rain and chill of spring.

postscript: just when I thought it was over for the day, I found that I had accidentally put a piece of clothing set aside for repairs into the washing machine.. It came entirely apart: irreparably damaged. Some days just need to end -- so I can be out of my misery.

spring!

2007-03-27T11:05:00.000-04:00

...and I'm having some major trouble concentrating and focusing. Mostly for the things I ought to be doing.

I spent 4 pleasant hours rewiring our computers over the weekend. It was lovely. And I'm very happy, because now things are in order (you know, back in the corner that no one ever sees).

But that reading I should have done weeks ago? Not so much.

entertain me, lovely meme!

2007-03-20T14:14:00.000-04:00

Key:

large font = read
italic = want to read
strikeout = do NOT want to read
+ = on my shelf
* = never heard of it

(plus combinations thereof)

1. +The Da Vinci Code (Dan Brown)
2. Pride and Prejudice (Jane Austen)
3. +To Kill A Mockingbird (Harper Lee)
4. Gone With The Wind (Margaret Mitchell)
5. ~~The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King (Tolkien)~~
6. ~~The Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring (Tolkien)~~
7. ~~The Lord of the Rings: Two Towers (Tolkien)~~
8. +Anne of Green Gables (L.M. Montgomery)
9. Outlander (Diana Gabaldon)
10. *A Fine Balance (Rohinton Mistry)
11. ~~Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (Rowling)~~
12. Angels and Demons (Dan Brown)
13. ~~Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (Rowling)~~
14. *A Prayer for Owen Meany (John Irving)
15. Memoirs of a Geisha (Arthur Golden)
16. ~~Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone (Rowling)~~
17. *Fall on Your Knees(Ann-Marie MacDonald)
18. *The Stand (Stephen King)
19. ~~Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (Rowling)~~
20. Jane Eyre (Charlotte Bronte)
21. ~~The Hobbit (Tolkien)~~
22. The Catcher in the Rye (J.D. Salinger)
23. Little Women (Louisa May Alcott)
24. ~~The Lovely Bones (Alice Sebold)~~
25. ~~Life of Pi (Yann Martel)~~
26. ~~The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (Douglas Adams)~~
27. Wuthering Heights (Emily Bronte)
28. The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe (C. S. Lewis)
29. East of Eden (John Steinbeck)
30. +Tuesdays with Morrie(Mitch Albom)
31. ~~Dune (Frank Herbert)~~
32. The Notebook (Nicholas Sparks)
33. Atlas Shrugged (Ayn Rand)
34. +1984 (Orwell)
35. The Mists of Avalon (Marion Zimmer Bradley)
36. *The Pillars of the Earth (Ken Follett)
37. *The Power of One (Bryce Courtenay)
38. *I Know This Much is True (Wally Lamb)
39. The Red Tent (Anita Diamant)
40. *The Alchemist (Paulo Coelho)
41. The Clan of the Cave Bear (Jean M. Auel)
42. The Kite Runner (Khaled Hosseini)
43. ~~Confessions of a Shopaholic (Sophie Kinsella)~~
44. The Five People You Meet In Heaven (Mitch Albom)
45. +Bible
46. Anna Karenina (Tolstoy)
47. The Count of Monte Cristo (Alexandre Dumas)
48. ~~Angela’s Ashes (Frank McCourt)~~
49. The Grapes of Wrath (John Steinbeck)
50. *She’s Come Undone (Wally Lamb)
51. The Poisonwood Bible (Barbara Kingsolver)
52. A Tale of Two Cities (Dickens)
53. Ender’s Game (Orson Scott Card)
54. Great Expectations (Dickens)
55. The Great Gatsby (Fitzgerald)
56. *The Stone Angel (Margaret Laurence)
57. ~~Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (Rowling)~~
58. The Thorn Birds (Colleen McCullough)
59. The Handmaid’s Tale (Margaret Atwood)
60. *The Time Traveller’s Wife (Audrew Niffenegger)
61. Crime and Punishment (Fyodor Dostoyevsky)
62. The Fountainhead (Ayn Rand)
63. War and Peace (Tolstoy)
64. Interview With The Vampire (Anne Rice)
65. *Fifth Business (Robertson Davis)
66. One Hundred Years Of Solitude (Gabriel Garcia Marquez)
67. ~~The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants (Ann Brashares)~~
68. Catch-22 (Joseph Heller)
69. Les Miserables (Hugo)
70. The Little Prince (Antoine de Saint-Exupery)
71. Bridget Jones’ Diary (Fielding)
72. Love in the Time of Cholera (Marquez)
73. Shogun (James Clavell)
74. The English Patient (Michael Ondaatje)
75. The Secret Garden (Frances Hodgson Burnett)
76. *The Summer Tree (Guy Gavriel Kay)
77. A Tree Grows in Brooklyn (Betty Smith)
78. The World According To Garp (John Irving)
79. *The Diviners (Margaret Laurence)
80. Charlotte’s Web (E.B. White)
81. *Not Wanted On The Voyage (Timothy Findley)
82. Of Mice And Men (Steinbeck)
83. *Rebecca (Daphne DuMaurier)
84. *Wizard’s First Rule (Terry Goodkind)
85. Emma (Jane Austen)
86. Watership Down(Richard Adams)
87. Brave New World (Aldous Huxley)
88. *The Stone Diaries (Carol Shields)
89. *Blindness (Jose Saramago)
90. *Kane and Abel (Jeffrey Archer)
91. *In The Skin Of A Lion (Ondaatje)
92. Lord of the Flies (Golding)
93. The Good Earth(Pearl S. Buck)
94. The Secret Life of Bees (Sue Monk Kidd)
95. The Bourne Identity (Robert Ludlum)
96. The Outsiders (S.E. Hinton)
97. White Oleander (Janet Fitch)
98. *A Woman of Substance (Barbara Taylor Bradford)
99. *The Celestine Prophecy (James Redfield)
100. ~~Ulysses (James Joyce)~~

2007-03-16T16:18:00.000-04:00

Me: find me a sugar cookie recipe!
Him: but I don't like sugar cookies.. let's make chocolate chip cookies instead.
Me: can we use my teapot shaped cookie cutters on chocolate chip cookies?
Him: no.. but why don't we use the cookie press?

pause.. pause.. pause.. brain working madly..

Me: We have a cookie press?
Him: since july.. it was a wedding present, remember?
Me: we have a cookie press???
Him: hello, you wrote the thank you note.
Me: oh, right, yes, of course..... is there anything else that we got that I might not remember having?

Sermon, Third Sunday of Lent

2007-03-13T20:35:00.000-04:00

Texts: Exodus 3:1-15; Psalm 103:1-11; Luke 13:1-9

Our Gospel passage for today is a text that I am uneasy with. I have a definite preference for Jesus as warm, fuzzy friend, Jesus as comforter, Jesus as the nice guy. This is, admittedly, false. And yet, I am not quite ready to let this image go. So when passages like today’s Gospel force me to listen to stories and parables that I don’t like, I am confronting not only the text itself but also the images of Jesus and God that are my own creation.

The first part of the Gospel recounts the story of Galilean pilgrims to Jerusalem who are martyred by Pilate at the Temple, “whose blood Pilate had mingled with their sacrifices.” Not a pretty image. Jesus goes on to mention the people “who were killed when the tower at Siloam fell on them.” Again, not a pretty image.

And his response to both of these events is to say: “unless you repent, you will all perish as they did.”

Perish as they did.

Make no mistake; this is a message to us, to me and to you, despite the historical, cultural and religious distance of the examples. This message is not about dying in the same circumstances, but about being taken from this life unpreparedly. Jesus reminds his listeners that these tragic deaths were not a consequence of greater sins and offenses, but that tragedies happen to those who are good and bad alike, and this is all the more reason to repent.

For, when Jesus tells us to repent, we are being called to be aware, to be ready for what may come without warning. In the Great Litany, most often used during Lent, we pray: “from dying suddenly and unprepared, Good Lord, deliver us.” Jesus is not saying that by repenting we will not perish, but that we will, one day, perish in a different way.

Although it seems like this story (and this sermon, for that matter) are focusing rather morbidly on death, that is not what all of this is about. By reminding us of our limitations as human beings, and particularly that we are finite beings, we are being called to live more fully in the present time. And that brings me to the second half of the reading from Luke.

Despite the initial, summary judgment of the fig-tree – rejected as a failure – the parable offers a message of hope, for the gardener proposes to do something unusual, to take the last possible measures. The fig-tree has been granted a reprieve.

The “sin” of the fig-tree is not that it did something bad, or even that it did nothing – it has been growing for six years. During the first three years, Levitical Law forbids eating the fruit of the tree, and three more years had passed, during which the owner had looked in vain for fruit. The tree had not born fruit in six years, since it had first been planted, but it had been doing plenty: growing taller, digging its roots deeper into the ground, sending out leaves and branches.

And yet, the tree was expected to produce fruit. The fault, then, of the tree is that it is not doing what it is called, meant and intended to do.

Likewise, the question that we must face in Lent is not, Can I make it to Easter without eating sweets? Or, how can I manage to stay awake without my regular fix of caffeine? But, Am I doing what I have been created and called by God to do?

A fig tree is good when it does what it is created by God in its nature to do: to bear fruit. By bearing fruit, it fulfills its particular and God-given purpose in the world. It would be awfully easy to transfer this directly to human beings and declare that each of us, individually and collectively, are expected to bear fruit (in a metaphorical way, hopefully).

I think that is too simplistic. God created each one of us with our own set of gifts, skills, weaknesses, and strange quirks. Before I can ask, Am I doing what I have been created and called by God to do? I must first ask what it is that God asks particularly of me. And the first step to asking what it is that God created and called me to do is to take stock of what I have to work with – and what I have to work on – (because believe me, we all have both).

God has expectations and demands of us. This is sometimes hard to hear in a society that prizes individualism, autonomy, and independence. The reality that we claim as Christians is that we are not autonomous individuals, but that we are dependent on God’s grace, love and mercy and ultimately that we are subject to God’s judgment.

God asks – demands – of all of us three seemingly simple things: to heed his call, to bless his name, and to be faithful to his purpose for our lives. This is what we are all to do in order to live more fully. But we are also uniquely called: to teach, to heal, to give time, to feed the hungry, and even to study and learn.

Making an honest assessment of ourselves continually is one small part of living, as Jesus asks of us, a repentant life, ready for whatever may come. Your calling now may not be how God calls you in five or ten years; being ready requires that we pay attention to how we grow and change and how our calling evolves with us. From this assessment, we can begin to discern what God is creating and calling us to do now, and from there, we can begin to do it.

Toyohiko Kagawa, a Christian and a lay leader in Japan during the early part of the twentieth century, wrote in a poem:

I read
In a book
That a man called
Christ
Went about doing good.
It is very disconcerting to me
That I am so easily
Satisfied
With just
Going about.

The story of the fig tree - and the story of this poem - invite us to consider what we would do with the gift of another year. What will we do with God’s gift of time to us? Will we be satisfied with just going about as usual? Or will we instead take the opportunity to discover how we can live into God’s call more fully, more faithfully, and – perhaps – more fruitfully?

Amen.

i heart edamame!

2007-03-07T10:58:00.000-05:00

I shouldn't be surprised -- I've long snacked on roasted soybeans/soynuts. But I never had edamame until I came across it in a stirfry bar last week. And so I got some from the store yesterday.

So tasty! Kind of buttery in the mouth, very different from true dried beans. They were super good in our stirfry last night! Especially with the creamy baked brown rice. I think that combination would make an excellent room temperature salad, actually.

And now that I've eaten up half my edamame, what will I do with the rest?

Whatever it is, it will be yummy!

On the Way to Jerusalem,Take Risks

2007-03-05T22:59:00.000-05:00

Texts: Psalm 27; Genesis 15:1-12,17-18; Philippians 3:17-4:1; Luke 13:31-35

The strangest thing about this story is who comes to Jesus to warn him of danger. Elsewhere, Luke presents the Pharisees as opponents of Jesus who seek to undermine his teaching and proclamation of the kingdom. Yet, it is the Pharisees who approach Jesus in the Gospel reading today, trying to dissuade him from continuing on the hazardous road to Jerusalem. They are unexpected advocates, even though – like the disciples – the do not fully understand what Jesus is about.

Perhaps we must re-imagine the Pharisees: not as adversaries, but as advocates. Although Jesus speaks of the Pharisees with caution, he also broke bread with them, at their invitation. The Pharisees so often appear to be in conflict with Jesus and his followers not because their teachings and practices were antithetical to those of Jesus, but because they had much more in common with one another than with the other movements in Judaism at the time.

Like Jesus and his followers, Pharisees of the first century interpreted prophetic works like Isaiah as scripture. They, unlike the Sadducees in particular, believed that scripture should in interpreted through reason and in light of changing circumstances. They welcomed Gentiles who wanted to follow their teaching. And, like Jesus, they placed the center of religious life not in the Temple, but in the daily practices of individuals, living in community with one another.

So: the Pharisees, seemingly the opponents of Jesus and his followers, are actually far more complicated, more human. They are not a homogenous group, anymore than any group can be lumped together. Some Pharisees, to be sure, were not in agreement with Jesus, but others became Christians, members of the body of Christ alongside Peter and the other apostles and along with us.

Jesus does not seem to welcome this advice, though, as well meaning as it is. Most of us have experienced the well-intentioned advice of others, and perhaps we’ve given some ourselves. It can sting, to have your advice rejected, especially if you’re doing your best to help the other person. Ask any parent of a teenager how it feels – it happens a lot at that time of parenting – and I can say this not as a parent, but as a former (and reformed) teenager.

In fact, Jesus’s response reminds me a lot of my own responses to well-intentioned counsel from very wise people. Although the message is nominally intended for Herod, in reality, Jesus is saying to the Pharisees: I know what I’m doing! I know where I’m going! He is saying, Thanks for the warning, but no thanks.

Now, I don’t know about you, but there is a part of me that just wants to scream. I wish I were there to give Jesus a piece of my mind. Doesn’t he know that he is putting himself at risk! Doesn’t he know that this is doomed! What on earth is he thinking?!?!

And of course, unlike most teenagers – and certainly unlike me, then and now – Jesus actually does know what he is doing. That is precisely what he tells the Pharisees and what he is saying to us. He is claiming his future for himself. It is not forced on him. It is a future that he accepts and welcomes as his work. He is willing to go towards a future that is at best uncertain and perilous, and at worst, fatal.

The question for us in Lent is not can we make it for forty days without our favorite sweets, but can we follow the Jesus to Jerusalem? Are we willing to accept a future that is risky, rather than comfortable?

At least for me, I like risk, sure, as long as I get to be comfortable too. I’m willing to take risks only insofar as I have security as well. I have to be wary of focusing so much on accumulating ‘stuff’, the good things of life. If things and accomplishments are my priority, I cannot enter fully into the journey that Jesus undertakes to Jerusalem. The things that I desire for myself aren’t the focus of the future that Jesus has embraced, and they cannot be the center of what it means to follow Jesus. These things are the physical stuff that we gather to us as a comfort, a sort of security blanket that leaves us more vulnerable because we can’t imagine life without it. We get addicted to the security of stuff, rather than embracing the liberty of letting go. And while we might reach the point of letting go of the physical things, we are less aware of the cultural “stuff” that we carry with us. It is the cultural mindset, this acquisitive impulse, that I will have more trouble shedding.

We set Lent apart in our tradition, for fasting from those things that are not necessary to our truest life as human beings. It is a time that reminds us of who we are in relationship to one another and to God. It is a time when we stand in opposition to our society and let go in many ways, small and large, of the things that bind us to this world. It is a time of preparation, a way of participating in Jesus’s walk to Jerusalem. We remember, in Lent, our priorities and our anxieties, just as Jesus did. And, just as Jesus claimed his future for himself, we too can claim our future: uncertain and perilous, to be sure, but also a journey we do not undertake alone.

Because, although Jesus walked to Jerusalem in the company of his disciples, his actions there – his death and resurrection – guarantee that he will be with us, as we practice the discipline of Lent, as we live into the way of the Cross, and as we struggle to set aside our love of earthly things.

Do not be deterred by the prospect of a difficult journey, because you are not alone. We do not walk as individuals but as members of the body of Christ. We walk with one another and with Jesus. The act of faith that Jesus modeled for us is fundamentally about accepting an ambiguous and challenging future and looking beyond it to the “means of grace and the hope of glory” that we have already in Jesus Christ. Amen.

Snapdragon!

2007-03-03T18:43:00.001-05:00

I am a
Snapdragon

What Flower
Are You?

School! ....again?

2007-01-29T19:09:00.000-05:00

I was feeling very unenthused about yet another first day of school.

(this is in fact my 29th first day of school ever; I have two more to go before I leave school for the first time since 1987 -- when I was four)

It was awfully hard to get excited. But then I went in, and I had lunch with friends from seminary that I hadn't seen in a month. I ran into people and caught up on their news. I went to class, I went to have hot chocolate with a buddy, I went to chapel.

And it was good. I felt good. I was happy.

So maybe it's not so bad, this first day of school.

YOU are the Body of Christ (Third Sunday after Epiphany)

2007-01-22T13:53:00.000-05:00

Texts: 1 Corinthians 12:12-27; Psalm 113; Luke 4:14-21

“You are the body of Christ.”

Being at seminary and all, you might think that the body of Christ is on my mind all the time. In actuality, however, most of us, myself included, are far more preoccupied with practical questions: will I be able to afford rent on a minister’s salary? where will I work? do I really have what it takes to be a priest, pastor, confidante? And lately, what’s going to happen to the Church?

Anglicanism has been much in the news these past few years, and not for good reasons. I would love to see headlines declaring – “Anglicans broker peace in the Middle East” – “Episcopalians end poverty” and so on. Nothing seems to make news, though, like the ecclesiological version of a train wreck. And – to be fair – even the appearance of a disaster or conflict gets our attention far more than success.

It is far easier to do damage, to reject one another, and to create a rift than it is to heal, to compromise, and to work together for good. The Gospel reading today, from Luke, portrays Jesus’s return to Nazareth and describes him reading Scripture in the synagogue. This pattern of worship was common in first-century Judea. Everyone would gather together, hear the word and listen to the teacher’s interpretation of the passage. Perfectly peaceful… except that a few short verses later, Luke tells us that when they heard more of his teaching, “all in the synagogue were filled with rage. They got up, drove him out of the town, and led him to the brow of the hill on which their town was built, so that they might hurl him off the cliff” (Luke 4:28-29).

Even in the presence of Jesus, whose messianic claims they had accepted without murmur, division is instinctive. It is as old as Cain and Abel. It is part of human nature.

Anglicans are not the only ones good at schism, an ugly word for the particular divisions that afflict the Church. There are literally thousands of Christian denominations of all flavours and stripes, which is why Paul’s letter to the Corinthians is necessary wisdom for us today, not only as Christians, but also as Anglicans.

Despite all appearances to the contrary, we are still members of one church. We share in one baptism. We might go about it different ways – sprinkled, dipped, poured on, right up to whole body experience – but it is the same Spirit, and I’m not sure that God worries about the minutiae. And, no matter how much we might not like it, we are all members of the one body of Christ.

To be honest, I am compelled to this conclusion – not by preference, because I am human, and certainly not by observing how we act towards one another – but because none of the things we do and say make any sense otherwise.

If the body of Christ is not ultimately one, holy and universal, then our witness to the gospel is imperfect, incomplete, diminished. Paul makes two separate and yet integral arguments. First, that the Church is fundamentally one, exhibiting a kind of unity that eradicates ethnic and social differences. Thus, for Paul, Jews and Greeks, slaves and free, shared a common initiation by the Spirit through which they experienced a level of oneness analogous to the human body: many bound together as part of a single entity.

Second, that “the body does not consist of one member but of many” (v. 14). Unity does not preclude diversity. It is absurd to think of a body with only one part, performing only one function. The body of Christ is complex, and the many parts are organically related to one another, rather than simply existing contiguously.

It is impossible to speak of the one body in any meaningful sense unless we recognize the value of its many parts. Oneness does not mean sameness. Unity does not require uniformity.

I wonder if this lesson is heard in the Anglican Communion today, if it is heard in the Episcopal Church. We seem to imagine that everything will be better when that disagreeable group over there is gone. Things might be easier, but they will not be better. Eliminating one part of the body leaves those who remain poorer for it, diminished.

If we examine the model of Jesus’ own life and ministry, the portrait that emerges is complex, multi-layered and, like the body of Christ, diverse. Jesus brought together both radical reform and a commitment to the Law, judgment and forgiveness, holding seeming contradictions in tension with one another. Jesus embodies a vision for the body of Christ and for the church: Teacher and healer, friend and stranger, victim and savior. Jesus was not confined to one aspect. He did not restrict his ministry to teaching or miracles, but incorporated all of these into his life and work. It is imperative for the church to do the same.

I imagine that fear has a lot to do with our rejection of one other. We don’t want to be lumped together with people who do things we find distasteful, with people who proclaim a theology that we abhor. It gets to the very heart of who we are, and we don’t want to be mistaken for people that we think get it wrong.

It is also pride that imagines our particular part of the body is superior to another. It is this pride – arrogance, even – that we have to work to overcome. And it is to this pride that Paul’s letter speaks: “the members of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable;” those that seem to be less honorable deserve recognition and honor; those that seem worthless are as necessary and integral to the whole as the most valued.

We are created by God to drink of the same Spirit. We are called by God to live as brothers and sisters in Christ. We are, by the grace of God, members of one body, the body of Christ, the church.

We are the body of Christ. Young, old. Educated, or not. Poor, rich. Hungry, well fed. Imperfect, all of us.

We are the body of Christ: conservative and liberal; evangelical and practically Catholic; emotional and stoic; those who speak in tongues … and those who are horrified at the very thought. All of us, from every race, culture, theological persuasion, liturgical style, speaking in many languages and with many voices: so diverse that we disagree with one another vigorously, passionately, even vehemently.

We are the body of Christ, not because of a common identity as Christians, but because of the one Spirit, present at Jesus’ baptism, present at each our own baptisms, and present among us in the sacrament of Christ’s body and blood.

Hear what the Spirit is saying to us: “You are the body of Christ.” Amen.

january to do list

2007-01-01T17:34:00.000-05:00

academic: NT exegesis paper, planning for spring classes

house: ~~clean out freezer & pantry, reorganize pantry, kitchen drawers,~~ file papers/bills/etc, continue to scan cookbooks for new recipes

things we need: food mill, digital kitchen scale

sunset

2006-12-23T17:09:00.000-05:00

bloggy milestone!

2006-12-21T23:42:00.000-05:00

I now have 100 posts!

erm... plus 1 :)

what's cooking: cranberry pistachio biscotti

2006-12-21T20:50:00.000-05:00

Steve made these last Saturday. (I helped! It turns out that shelling pistachios is a decent study break.) I loved having a few straight from the oven, although they don't fully harden until cool. Which, actually, isn't necessarily a bad thing. Biscotti are great with coffee, lattes, steamed milk, hot chocolate, or tea (especially if you take milk), but as a solo flyer, they're not ideal. Biscotti is plural, and comes from the process used to bake these cookies: they're baked twice to give them that hard, crunchy texture.

Although we had a few (pretty much just me, since someone doesn't like biscotti), most of these went to friends and family as a Christmas gift. They're especially good for mailing or handing out over several days, since their double-baked texture gives them a longer shelf life than most homemade cookies.

Comments on the recipe: if you make the loaves as described, you end up with very small cookies. This is fine if you like them that way, but our oven is small and we ended up with larger loaves. As a consequence, we only had 2 dozen cookies rather than 4. I would suggest that you lengthen the cooking time for larger loaves; ours weren't quite as done in the middle as they should have been, but they came through the second bake just fine, except for a slight difference in texture along the top.

Cranberry Pistachio Biscotti (from The Gourmet Cookbook)
About 4 dozen

1⅓ c dried cranberries (4 oz)
2 ½ c unbleached all-purpose flour
1 c sugar
½ tsp baking soda
½ tsp baking powder
½ tsp salt
3 large eggs
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 c shelled salted natural pistachios (not dyed red, 5 oz)
1 large egg beaten with 1 tsp water, for egg wash

Soak cranberries in boiling water to cover in a small bowl until softened, about 10 minutes. Drain, then pat dry with paper towels.

Put a rack in middle of oven and preheat oven to 325 degrees. Butter and flour a large baking sheet, knocking off excess flour.

Whisk together flour, sugar, baking soda, baking powder, and salt in a large bowl. Add eggs and vanilla and beat with an electric mixer at medium speed just until a dough forms. Add cranberries and pistachios and mix at low speed.

Turn out dough onto a well-floured surface and knead several times. Halve dough. Using floured hands, form each half into a slightly flattened 13x2-inch log on baking sheet, spacing logs about 3 inches apart. Brush logs with egg wash.

Bake until golden, 25 to 30 minutes. Cool logs on baking sheet on a rack for 10 minutes, leaving oven on.

Transfer logs to a cutting board. With a serrated knife, cut diagonally into ½-inch-thick slices. Arrange slices cut side down in one layer on a baking sheet (it’s fine if slices are touching). Bake, turning once, until golden and crisp, 20 to 25 minutes. Transfer biscotti to a rack to cool.

Note:

The biscotti keep in an airtight container at room temperature for up to 1 week.

Biscotti logs resting

what's cooking: tall and fluffy buttermilk biscuits

2006-12-21T20:35:00.000-05:00

We made these last Friday morning... and then again Saturday morning! Cook's Illustrated might call them tall and fluffy buttermilk biscuits, but I call them the Best Biscuits Ever! Deliciously tangy, tender and pretty much everything you might dream of. The tops were wonderfully crunchy and crisp, and since it's made in a pie pan, the ones on the outside have extra crunch, for those who especially like it.

I have to locate the issue with the recipe, but I'll put it up soon. In the meantime, a picture to whet your appetite:

what's cooking: beef stew & colcannon

2006-12-21T20:15:00.000-05:00

He Who Cooks made this last week - and it was fantastic! Just right for when the weather (finally) got a bit crisper. The broth from the beef stew was "gravy" for the colcannon, but it was best with a bit of everything on the fork! I yielded -- I'm normally a sequential eater [notice the careful placement of colcannon to the side of the plate? HWC put his on the bottom, a clear sign of a mixed eater].

I have to find out from HWC which book the stew recipe came from, but the colcannon is from The Gourmet Cookbook, which I recommend checking out from the library or buying outright. It's a comprehensive, but not full of standards and basics. I checked it out from the public library during my holiday after college graduation and typed up all the recipes I liked. I know, OCD. But look at the results!

I love colcannon and pretty much every variation on mashed potatoes. This is great if you've got veggi-phobic kids or picky eaters. Cabbage is a fantastic nutritional addition: in this colcannon, it packs in 50% of an adult's vitamin C for the day. And, because it's cooked in the milk and won't be drained, the nutrients aren't thrown out with the cooking water. The cabbagy smell and taste are reduced because of mixing with mashed potatoes, so if pungent scents are off-putting, this is also a good option - doubly so if you add in some beef stew!

Colcannon (Mashed Potatoes with Cabbage), from The Gourmet Cookbook
Serves 4 to 6

2 lbs russet potatoes
1 c whole milk
8 tbs unsalted butter, cut into tablespoons
1 lb green cabbage, cored and coarsely chopped (about 4 cups)
½ tsp salt
¼ tsp freshly ground black pepper

Peel potatoes and cut into 2-inch pieces. Combine with cold salted water (1 tablespoon salt for every 4 quarts water) to cover by 1 inch in a 5-quart pot, bring to a simmer, and simmer, uncovered, until tender, about 15 minutes.

Meanwhile, combine milk, butter, cabbage, salt, and pepper in a 3-quart heavy saucepan, bring to a bare simmer, and cook, uncovered, stirring occasionally, until cabbage is tender, 10 to 15 minutes.

Drain potatoes well, then add to cabbage mixture and mash with a potato masher and fork until well combined. Season with salt and pepper, to taste.

Notes:

To make champ, substitute 2 cups chopped scallion greens for the cabbage. Add to the3-quart saucepan and proceed as directed.

Additional variation: Substitute 1½ lbs leeks for cabbage. Cut off the dark green tops and trim the root ends, then halve the leeks lengthwise and chop. Wash well in a bowl of cold water, then lift out and drain. Add to the pan in place of cabbage and proceed as directed.

I am done!

2006-12-20T16:56:00.000-05:00

I have one more paper (NT exegesis) due January 12th, but I am not going to even think about it until January 3rd at the earliest. Absolutely not.

No classwork will go with me to Milwaukee, where I will be Christmas-ing with Second Family. I will allow myself to take a few books, but they will be things I am interested in reading and haven't gotten to.

Other things to do: Ember Day letter to Bishop and Home Congregation committee. Organize notes and materials from last semester and this one. Gather all things needed for candidacy consideration. Review current year finances and begin planning new fiscal year budget. Clean house (an organizational bonanza). Organize recipes for more cooking fun.

Most importantly: rest.

But first, I am going out with my girls!

to do list

2006-12-12T09:25:00.000-05:00

By December 20, I must complete:

~~paper on Job (due 12/12)~~
~~paper on the historical Jesus (12/15)~~
~~paper on contemporary Anglicanism (12/18)~~
~~paper on Cost of Discipleship by Bonhoeffer (12/20)~~
~~take home final on liturgy (12/20)~~

It's going to be crazy. Watch this space for progress.

*There will be no posting until after Dec. 20 unless I complete my work early (ha!). If I post anything other than updates, smack me.*

sunday night football

2006-12-10T23:00:00.000-05:00

I never thought I would enjoy watching football. I had a serious antipathy towards it, on principle. Or, more probably, because I grew up in places where love for football was only rivaled by adherence to evangelical Christianity.

I am, by nature, a rather contrary creature. If everyone is flocking to this one particular wonderful thing, I am likely to reject it. Until proven wrong. Or until wooed.

I barely tolerated football last year, when I first had to face the realities of living with a boy. I made a firm rule: only ONE football game per weekend. And only on mute.

Except then it grew on me. Like a mold.

Let's recap this weekend: Saturday was a bit boring because the regular college season is over. We did find a semi-final 1AA game, so we watched that. Then today we watched two NFL games. A few weekends ago, there were a few days where we watched something like 6 or 7 games in three days.

What on EARTH has happened to me. I mean really. I watch football even when I don't have to, when I'm home alone. I watch football voluntarily.

weekend baking: biscuits

2006-12-10T21:43:00.000-05:00

Well! We've had our second weekend of baking in a row, and it was supremely tasty! I must preface the rest of this post by saying that there were TWO rounds of biscuits. So don't stop reading or ogling prematurely.

Saturday's biscuits were not satisfactory to the cook: they tasted great, but they were wretched to work with. The dough (I'm told) was very sticky and completely impossible to roll and then form rounds with biscuit cutters. They were also not particularly flaky, so if you like your biscuits to flake apart ... well, these are not for you. These are English muffin biscuits; you can only open them with the careful application of a fork. They were, however, tasty.

Now, you might think we would stop there. I mean, who makes biscuits twice in one weekend? That would be us.

Ahem. I have been instructed to inform you that I had nothing to do with the biscuits until I ate them. Steve made biscuits twice in one weekend.

He was much happier with the second recipe, which was easier to work with and provided satisfyingly round, regular biscuits.

Tender, flaky biscuits. Perhaps a little too much salt/baking soda/baking powder. Steve claims there was a weird bitter aftertaste. I couldn't taste it, myself, but I also happen to love brussel sprouts, so maybe my bitter tastebuds are no longer functional. We might try again with a different ratio of salt/baking soda/baking powder, but that can cause funny things to happen in baking.

Recipe
via Tyler Florence / Food Network

4 cups all-purpose flour
1 tablespoon salt
1 tablespoon baking powder
2 teaspoons baking soda
1 cup vegetable shortening, cold, cut into 1/2-inch pieces
1 1/2 to 2 cups buttermilk, plus additional for brushing
Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F.

Sift together the flour, salt, baking powder, and baking soda. Cut in the shortening using a pastry blender or your hands until the mixture resembles coarse crumbs. Make a well in the center and add 1 cup buttermilk. Using your hands, quickly fold the dry ingredients into the buttermilk until a sticky dough forms. You may need to add more buttermilk.

Turn the dough out onto a floured surface. Gently fold the dough over itself 3 or 4 times to create layers. Press the dough out to 1 1/2-inches thick and cut with a floured 3-inch biscuit cutter. Lay the biscuits on an ungreased cookie sheet and brush the tops with buttermilk. Bake for 20 to 25 minutes until risen and golden brown.

And, yes, I eat my biscuits topped with unsalted butter, kosher salt, and fresh ground pepper. Even when they come out of a vacuum sealed can. These did not come from such a can, and so this is the only picture of the biscuits, ready-to-eat, according to Jen protocols:

blogger beta?

2006-12-09T18:16:00.000-05:00

apparently, I'm now invited to join the new beta version of blogger. I'm not sure I want to.. I haven't heard anything through the grapevine of whether this is good or bad. Sure, there are new features, but are they worth the possible disruption? Any words of wisdom, bloggy friends?

(my) liturgical traditions

2006-12-03T23:56:00.000-05:00

I am a self-professed churchy geek.

One of the ways this is manifestly apparent is my love for the new church year and the opportunity that the liturgical seasons offer for doing new things in my life. I have a couple of traditions around the liturgical seasons that I thought I'd share.

The first (and one of my very favorites) is a variation on an old elementary school thing, I think. I write a letter to myself at the beginning or ending of a liturgical season or a particular time in my life. Then I seal it up in an envelope with my name on it. And I hide it. I tend to find these at the oddest times, since I've usually forgotten all about them, but it's always a pleasure to hear my own wisdom from the past in the present.

I also like to make resolutions. This is kind of like Lenten practices, but it isn't always about sacrifice. It's also kind of like New Years Resolutions, but I'm often overly ambitious with those -- I've given up entirely on them now, because they're pointless (to me). I still haven't accomplished the things I wrote down at 13! (which, to be fair, included learning about 7 languages, most of them wildly obscure)

My liturgical season resolutions tend to be more about process and developing good practices than about accomplishing 10 things as fast as possible. I've been toying with what I might do this Advent. I'm really tempted to commit to the daily office in a new and vigorous way. But I also know that I have so much on my plate right now, and such a hard time fitting everything in, that adding yet another commitment might not be what is best for me.

Perhaps I can use the time I have in more effective ways. I've been sufficiently burnt out from both ends and exhausted that I haven't been doing so. That is a dangerous cycle, because I end up farther behind, feeling guilty, desperately trying to catch up and wistfully thinking of January.

So: my Advent commitment is to use my time effectively: for rest, for studies, for relationships, for keeping Sabbath, for prayer, for God. I might get around to that daily office thing, but that will be my reward for spending time well, not another burden.

And while I'm confessing, I just want to record a few things I should do more of, because I enjoy them and I don't do them enough: dates with my husband, writing letters to friends, walks in the outdoors, talking to my Dad and Jennifer, talking/writing to my sister, visiting museums, baking scones and other delights, feeding "my" squirrels.

advent sunday sermon

2006-12-03T22:43:00.000-05:00

Texts: 1 Thessalonians 3:9-13, Psalm 50:1-6, Luke 21:25-31

I don’t have many memories of Advent from my childhood. I can remember preparing for Christmas, but it didn’t have much to do with God. We would spend hours during the weeks before on decorating the house, putting up a tree and loading it down with ornaments. Advent was just how we got to Christmas, where the good stuff happened.

In actuality, Advent is a season of preparation, in which we anticipate not only the birth of Jesus, but also – and more importantly – the expected coming of Christ and the kingdom of God. Advent is how we get to the ‘good news.’ We already know the story of Jesus of Nazareth and the course of his life, ministry, and death. But we are also watching and waiting for the story that is yet unfolding. The story of Jesus’ journey from humble beginnings to Easter morning is only the opening salvo. God isn’t through with us, and that is what Jesus tells us in the reading from the gospel of Luke.

Jesus tells of the signs in the cosmos and of the distress of the earth that would portend the coming of the Son of Man. He is speaking of an event so momentous that both the physical and social worlds react. But catastrophic events were not a distant possibility for the early Christian community. At the time when the gospels were being written, catastrophe was a present reality. The Roman armies held siege to Jerusalem, surrounding the city with three legions on the west and another to the east. After six months, they had seized Jerusalem, destroyed the city, burned the Temple, and decimated the Jewish population.

The apocalyptic passages in Luke were good news to the followers of Jesus, then and now. They speak to the teleos – the end – that the world is moving inexorably toward, and this end is the kingdom of God. The kingdom of God is not a physical territory in the way we think of kingdoms. It does not have a geographic location with boundaries, a flag, coat of arms and currency. It is, instead, a radical experience of the world in which God lies at the center. Because of this radical reorientation, we are brought into right relationship with one another, with the world, and with God.

The kingdom of God is already inaugurated, brought into being at the incarnation of Christ in Jesus. It is already among us, but it is also not yet fully realized. The signs in the stars and moon and in the very earth itself were a way of knowing that the end was in sight. At the same time, Jesus warns us of the limitations of our knowledge, for ‘about that day and hour no one knows’ (Matthew 24:36). No one knows what the future holds. We can look for signs and watch carefully to discern what might lie ahead, but we should always be prepared.

There is a danger, though, in imagining that one day – perhaps far off, or perhaps tomorrow – God will swoop in and bring the world to an end. The temptation is to let go of attachments to this world and just wait for the beginning of the end. The temptation is to wait, passively, for God to show up and make everything new. That is not what Jesus asks of us.

Instead, we are called to watch, attentive to the signs and promises of hope, without neglecting the troubles of the world. We are called to live as citizens of God’s kingdom, not in a distant, imagined future, but here and now. We are called to be disciples.

For Luke, one is not a disciple alone. Discipleship means living in community in a manner consistent with God’s intentions for human kind. Discipleship is a way of life that isn’t limited an hour on Sunday or a personal, private relationship with God. It is deeply transformative and affects every aspect of life.

Discipleship is fundamentally relational: love for one another is the hallmark of Jesus’s disciples (John 13:35). It is this vision for the community of Christ that lies at the heart of Paul’s prayer for the Thessalonians: ‘may the Lord make you increase and abound in love for one another and for all’ (1 Thessalonians 3:12).

We respond to the call of Jesus Christ, in the same way that the cosmos and the physical world respond to the coming of Christ: it affects our very being, it is not easy, it is both a burden and a great joy.

These apocalyptic texts envision what Creation's true end is, what God intends for this world: the redemption for which the world groans is found in Jesus Christ, not simply in the events of his birth, but also in his anticipated return.

But in preparing for the full realization of the kingdom of God, we cannot forget our obligations to one another. We are the people of God, whose intentions for the world were shown forth in life of Jesus Christ. We are participants in God’s kingdom, not tomorrow, not in the day and hour that are yet to come, but today. How might we answer the call to discipleship today? What does the Lord require of us, ‘but to do justice, love mercy, and walk humbly with God?’ (Micah 6:8)

When we are consumed by the desperate circumstances of the world – the enormous disasters and the commonplace travesties – Jesus prompts us to think of the fig tree. The fig tree is among the last to bloom in Palestine. Its blooming serves to remind us that the end is near, that there is an abiding hope for a future in which God brings all things into harmony with one another and with their creator, that the hour of redemption is at hand.

“Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world's grief.
Do justice, now.
Love mercy, now.
Walk humbly, now.
You are not obligated to complete the work,
but neither are you free to abandon it.” (The Talmud)

We are an integral and essential part of what God is up to in the world. In Advent we remember that God enters the world in unexpected and wonderful ways in order to bring creation to its fulfillment. We are not free to abandon the work of the kingdom, but we know that its completion lies in the hands of God.

Amen.

what's cooking: no-knead bread

2006-12-03T22:06:00.000-05:00

This is our first baking weekend! And our first loaf of bread!

I'm a fan of the process (easy) and the tender, tasty insides of the loaf. It had a good inner texture, with loads of bubbles for melting butter. I didn't like the crust we did (entirely coated with corn meal). It was a little too crunchy for me, and I think the insides were so good that we'll want a different shaped pan for baking. Our loaf was very flat, so the ratio was crust-heavy for my taste.

Don't be afraid of the long time for the rise. It requires little to no attention during that time, although we had fun peeking in at our 'baby' to see how it would grow. We were also highly amused by the bubbles as the yeast-ies did thair work.

No-Knead Bread
As appearing in the NYTimes.com, adapted from Jim Lahey, Sullivan Street Bakery
Time: About 1½ hours plus 14 to 20 hours’ rising

3 cups all-purpose or bread flour, more for dusting
¼ teaspoon instant yeast
1¼ teaspoons salt
Cornmeal or wheat bran as needed.

1. In a large bowl combine flour, yeast and salt. Add 1 5/8 cups water, and stir until blended; dough will be shaggy and sticky. Cover bowl with plastic wrap. Let dough rest at least 12 hours, preferably about 18, at warm room temperature, about 70 degrees.

2. Dough is ready when its surface is dotted with bubbles. Lightly flour a work surface and place dough on it; sprinkle it with a little more flour and fold it over on itself once or twice. Cover loosely with plastic wrap and let rest about 15 minutes.

3. Using just enough flour to keep dough from sticking to work surface or to your fingers, gently and quickly shape dough into a ball. Generously coat a cotton towel (not terry cloth) with flour, wheat bran or cornmeal; put dough seam side down on towel and dust with more flour, bran or cornmeal. Cover with another cotton towel and let rise for about 2 hours. When it is ready, dough will be more than double in size and will not readily spring back when poked with a finger.

4. At least a half-hour before dough is ready, heat oven to 450 degrees. Put a 6- to 8-quart heavy covered pot (cast iron, enamel, Pyrex or ceramic) in oven as it heats. When dough is ready, carefully remove pot from oven. Slide your hand under towel and turn dough over into pot, seam side up; it may look like a mess, but that is O.K. Shake pan once or twice if dough is unevenly distributed; it will straighten out as it bakes. Cover with lid and bake 30 minutes, then remove lid and bake another 15 to 30 minutes, until loaf is beautifully browned. Cool on a rack.

Yield: One 1½-pound loaf.

what's cooking: carnitas

2006-12-02T21:22:00.000-05:00

This is one of my favorite new recipes! We had it first for a chaplaincy dinner (Assemble your own Taco Night), and it was a hit. I liked it so much that I demanded a swift encore, and we had it again less than two weeks later.

The carnitas are well seasoned and tender, and the shredded texture works especially well for making tacos and burritos. S. made a smaller amount since it was just the two of us, but the recipe easily expands or contracts depending on how many you need to feed. I personally like iceberg lettuce and fresh tomatoes with my tacos, but you can create any sort of combination you like. We also had homemade guacamole, which added a creamy contrast to the spicy pork and the veggies, but sour cream could fulfill the same function.

I am hoping, though, to find a good way of draining the pork. It's cooked with oil, and that is evident after eating a taco, since it all drains out the tail end. I don't want to end up with very dry carnitas, but I'm hoping for less grease on my plate and in my system.

Recipe from Alaska Cooks

Do not be daunted

2006-11-28T15:11:00.000-05:00

Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world's grief. Do justice, now. Love mercy, now. Walk humbly, now. You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it.

The Talmud, commentary on Micah 6:8

what's cooking: turkey soup with couscous

2006-11-28T11:09:00.000-05:00

What to do with several pounds of leftover turkey when the cupboards are pretty bare?

Add chicken stock, carrots, onions, and Israeli couscous. Cook. Sprinkle with parsley, serve, and eat.

Tasty!

2006-11-23T10:00:00.000-05:00

I am a bad blogger ... but trying to be a good wife, student, employee this semester has been rough. However, thanks to all the comments ;), I will come out from under my books and be delurked.

Sermon, Proper 25 (B)

2006-10-29T20:54:00.000-05:00

Texts: Isaiah 59: 9-19, Psalm 13, Mark 10:46-52

How would we respond if Jesus were passing by on the way to Jerusalem?

On his journey, Jesus is passing through Jericho, not far from Jerusalem itself. The disciples had just been reminded of what discipleship means: graciousness, generosity, and service for others rather than for self-centered ambition.

As he is passing through Jericho, he also passes by Bar-timaeus, a blind beggar, who hears the crowd and cries out to Jesus.

Bar-timaeus is rebuked by the crowd following Jesus for several reasons. First, he is on the margins of Jewish society, both figuratively and literally, and although Jesus welcomed and healed those excluded because of their afflictions, the crowd doesn’t seem to have gotten the message. They don’t approve of the ruckus he is making, assuming that it distracts from what Jesus is about. Further, Bar-timaeus calls Jesus ‘Son of David’, a title which implies kingship over Israel in a time when Israel is under Roman control. This is extraordinarily risky; Bar-timaeus is making a radical claim for Jesus only 13 miles from the center of religious and political power and the remembered prominence of David’s rule.

But in the face of their rebuke, Bar-timaeus yells out even more loudly, “Son of David, have mercy on me!” And in response to his cry, Jesus stopped, stood still, and summons Bar-timaeus to him.

In asking for the restoration of his sight, Bar-timaeus calls Jesus rabbi. He believes in the person of Jesus as Son of David and in his message as a teacher. It is clear from Jesus’s words that Bar-timaeus’ faith has brought about his restoration.

It is his faith that allows the power of God to work in him. It is his faith that makes him well, brings him to wholeness, and restores his sight. It is his faith that effects the miraculous. In contrast to the disciples, Bar-timaeus has faith which is not compromised by ambition and aspirations of personal prominence. And unlike the crowd, he is willing to take risks, to proclaim Jesus as the Son of David, and to follow him.

For immediately, able to see clearly, Bar-timaeus followed Jesus

on the way to Jerusalem,
on his journey to the trials that culminated in his death on the cross,
on the way to resurrection.

We are blinded in many ways, and not all of them are as obvious as the blindness that Bar-timaeus experienced. But all of us know different kinds of blindness, which keep us from engaging with the world in an authentic way. There are, for each one of us, times when our lives and our relationships with God and with those around us have been out of focus, alienated, and damaged.

But we are especially blinded to the needs of others. When I first came to Harvard Square, I was shocked at the presence of homeless men and women begging in the street. I felt assailed by how much need there was, by the hopelessness I felt in response. And over time, I’ve become immune to it, out of self-protection. If I thought about it, I might become paralyzed by guilt and the inability to relieve the desperate needs around me. And so I go on with my life as if nothing is wrong. I have chosen to be blind.

What if I chose to cry out to Jesus in hope and faith? What if I chose to see the world around me in a new way? Would I be ready to follow Jesus, even if I have to leave behind my family and friends like the apostles, even if I have to leave behind my comfort and my success like the rich young man?

The message that Jesus proclaimed in his life and death is this: discipleship requires generosity and service for others rather than for oneself. Following Jesus, for Bar-timaeus and for us, means listening deeply to the Word of God, in the person of Jesus and in the Scriptures that we read. It means learning to walk a road that is difficult and perilous. It means seeing with painful clarity that the world and our own lives are disconsonant with the vision that God has for us, who are made in his image.

Regaining our sight seems like an impossible task, but it is actually quite simple: recognize Jesus, let the grace of God work in the world through us, and cry out, as Bar-timaeus did, for mercy. And when we are restored to wholeness, to our sight, through faith, what will we do?

Will we be distracted by all the things of our lives that demand our attention: papers to be written, friendships to embark on, problem sets to be completed, relationships to be maintained, meetings to go to, laundry to be done? The demands are endless. I’m not arguing that you forget about your work, your connections with friends and family, or – God forbid – your laundry. What I am saying, though, is that these things cannot be the center of your life.

If these responsibilities fill all the space at the center of your life, there will be no room left for God. You will become consumed by the demands they place on your time, your mind, and your heart, and there will be nothing left for your relationship with God. But if we place God at the center, if we see clearly and keep God as the focus of our vision, then all the other things will fall into harmony. It is terrible, if not impossible, to see the truth of a discordant and fractured world, a world out of harmony with the vision of God, if that same lack of harmony afflicts your life.

Keeping God as the center of our lives is not for our own gain. It isn’t the end of our story. Its purpose is to allow us – you and I – to follow Jesus more fully. And following Jesus does not mean that we’re going to have an easy and comfortable time, singing Kumbaya around the campfire. Following Jesus makes demands on us, ones that are not always easy to respond to. When our sight is brought into focus, we see a world, disordered and alienated from the hope that God has for us. Our responsibility, as followers of Jesus and members of his Church, is to restore all people to unity with God and with one another, trusting in the mercy of God, who is our creator, our redeemer, and our sanctifier.

This responsibility, and our trust in God’s mercy, however, does not mean that we just come to church, read the Bible, and imagine that one day things will be put right. God works in and through us. We are the mediators of God’s grace in the world. It is all too easy to become immune again to the things that we see, to ‘wait for brightness, but walk in gloom’. Following Jesus demands that we do not wait, but that we bring about the kingdom of God.

My hope, for myself and for you, is that we follow Jesus together, as brothers and sisters in Christ, knowing that to see clearly is also to feel assailed by the needs of the world and by our inability to meet all of them.

We do not live in first century Judea, but we can and should respond to Jesus’s message and call, here and now. Let us, then, choose to be restored to the fullness of God’s image, to see clearly the discordant world in which we find ourselves. Let us choose keep God at the center. And, most importantly, let us choose to follow Jesus and to embody the Gospel, ‘not only with our lips, but in our lives’.

Amen.

steve and I

2006-09-30T22:54:00.000-04:00

our friend and groomsman Tom took this picture at our rehearsal dinner.. it was such a good picture that I cropped out my hands (which had been decorated with sticky dots by my 3 year old buddy Elie)

anyway.. us, four weeks ago, the night before the wedding:

provoked

2006-09-22T16:57:00.000-04:00

I have a class on the EC/Anglican Communion, which provoked some reflection on the controversies currently ripping our branch of the Church at the seams.

I've seen a lot that angers me in the arguments of both sides of this whole debate. There are occasional mentions of the size of the Episcopal Church relative to Church in Nigeria (hint: we're smaller), as if moral authority gained validity from how many people you could claim. Likewise, there are those who would suggest that the relative wealth (and corresponding generosity) of the American church somehow gives 'us' a claim on wisdom, or at the least some sort of impunity from questioning. Both of these approaches are absolutely demeaning.

Then we have the assertions that the other side is just blinded by something (usually stupidity or naivete versus the gullible, who are too easily swayed by cultural contexts and modern mores). This is plain offensive, and it suggests a basic lack of respect and appreciation for the other person/people.

I hate this whole mess. There is no solution, there can be no solution; not when neither side can recognize that the other is seeking to act according to the movement of the Spirit, to the will of God. This is the kind of impasse that can only be solved with love, tolerance, respect, and an understanding of the other. It needs mediation, a conversation that is honest and willing to listen. We're not going to get a mediation; instead, we'll have a two-tier communion, which (I predict) will be ineffective and which will translate the problems that exist now into a formal structure, where they will deepen over time. This measure will only serve to exascerbate the problems of dialogue that have gotten us to this point, rather than addressing them directly.

++Rowan, bless his heart, is trying desparately to hold the two shifting tectonic plates of the AC together. It seems to me that these two plates are always going to be in conflict, in tension with one another, but that tension is exactly what makes us Anglican. My hope is that there will be some way of holding the tension without fixing it into a concrete structure. That will only allow us to ignore one another while nominally remaining in some semblance of a relationship. It will not be a communion by any stretch of the imagination.

O God the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, our only Savior, the Prince of Peace: Give us grace seriously to lay to heart the great dangers we are in by our unhappy divisions; take away all hatred and prejudice, and whatever else may hinder us from godly union and concord; that, as there is but one Body and one Spirit, one hope of our calling, one Lord, one Faith, one Baptism, one God and Father of us all, so we may be all of one heart and of one soul, united in one holy bond of truth and peace, of faith and charity, and may with one mind and one mouth glorify you; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

classes underway...

2006-09-22T16:56:00.000-04:00

... but my brain hasn't yet caught up with what my body is doing.

home again

2006-09-09T18:32:00.000-04:00

It's a great thing to come home to all the familiar places and the things I missed for months. It was good to spend the summer in a place I called home for years, but it's better to come back to the place that is mine now.

summer winding down...

2006-08-22T13:20:00.000-04:00

CPE is over, which is both good and bad. I wish it weren't, but by the end, it was hard to feel connected when the work turned toward preparing a place for incoming residents and interns. Our seminars were completed 10 days before our last day, our evaluation was written and filed the Monday of our last week, so we spent 5-7 days saying goodbye to our units, when I only needed 4 hours to do that.. so the rest of the week was pretty boring.

Sad, because I had a fantastic time, and I have to wait until next summer to do it again..

But either way, CPE is completed.

Weird: in 12 days I will be married. This is also a very good, happy thing. But it is strange to realize that it is, in fact, actually happening. It's not an amorphous future event. It's real. 12 days is nothing. In 3 days, Steve will be here. In 7 days, we'll have a marriage license. Then we go into full swing, with people coming into town, friends and family to see again, rehearsals, etc.

It's wonderful.. and a little weird. I wish I could say that baptism and confirmation were as awe-inspiring, since they also mark shifts of great magnitude. But, I guess they mark internal shifts. This is both internal and something that will be reflected back to us by our community and culture. (No one was particularly concerned with my confirmation. But I gather that people notice when you leave for the summer unmarried and come back with a husband, even if they knew it would happen.) Perhaps ordination is like this, because it somehow alters your external identity, your title in society. The shift from being Miss. to Mrs. might be something like the shift from (insert here) to Rev. with a dog collar and all manner of cultural baggage.

I wonder. In any case, even though I've long ago decided that I am taking Steve's last name as my own, even though we've been together for 4.5 years, engaged for 18 months, and living functionally and financially as a married couple for over a year, something strange will happen in 12 days, in how we are connected both internally and in the eyes of people around us.

the observant one

2006-07-27T22:39:00.000-04:00

Me: what color are my eyes?
Fiance: brown
Me: what? have you looked at them?
Fiance: aren't they?
Me: no, honey
Fiance: wait, no, blue-gray, right?
Me: yes, oh observant one

let me just say that we've been together well over 4 years.. so I'm highly amused ;)

Pentecost 7 (July 23, 2006)

2006-07-24T12:02:00.000-04:00

The story of the feeding of the five thousand is a familiar one to us, but there is a hint of currents moving beneath the surface. When the disciples were gathered around Jesus, he invites them to come away to a quiet place. They’ve been teaching and doing the work of ministry, and Jesus has asked them to come away to a deserted place, where they can rest and maybe even have a conversation with just themselves and Jesus. And so they take a boat and go away. Unfortunately, the deserted place they’re seeking has become immensely popular, and Jesus speaks with the crowds that have followed him, because he recognizes their hunger for his teaching. After time passes, the disciples try to persuade him to send the crowd away. They’re tired and hungry for a time of solitude, or maybe they don’t want to share him with everyone else for a while.

Their words sound like a kind gesture, made out of concern for the people who’ve followed Jesus. But let’s think through the words for a moment: the hour is late, perhaps night is falling and it will soon be dark; they’re in a place so deserted that they cannot easily acquire food, if they even have money to buy it; and the people are hungry after a long day. What kindness is it to send a hungry person (much less five thousand) away, into the darkness in a desolate place to find food wherever they can?

How and where the crowd will find food is not really what the disciples are thinking about. They are hoping Jesus will send the crowd away for their own purposes. In focusing exclusively on their own concerns, the disciples have lost sight of the message of Jesus. We see this echoed Paul’s reaction to the situation at Ephesus, where the church has lost sight of the good news because of their focus on what divides them.

Divisions are easier than unity. They provide a way of ordering and understanding who we are by defining who we are not. Divisions give us the illusion of control by separating the world into us and them. It is all too simple to slip into us versus them. It was there in the church at Ephesus even after Jesus had gone to the cross. These conflicts remain alive and well in our own lives.

What would the Church look like if we remembered that Jesus Christ is our common cornerstone, no matter what our race, ethnicity, nationality, denomination, or political inclinations? For that matter, what would our world look like if we focused on our common humanity rather than divisions, real and imagined?

We are in the midst of a troubled time. In Israel and Lebanon, peace has come to an end, and war has returned to tear apart families and communities. Our branch of the Church has been torn apart, creating a rift that grows wider as time passes. The walls of hatred and division keep returning, both in the Church and in the world.

Paul’s letter reminded the Ephesians – and us! – that because of Jesus Christ we are all members of the household of God. It is in Jesus Christ that we find peace and unity. It is Jesus who has broken down the wall between. It is Jesus who ended the hostility between the Jews and the Gentiles through the cross. It is because of Jesus that we are no longer strangers and aliens to one another. But despite this, dividing walls comes between us.

Jesus heard what the disciples said, when the hour was growing late and they longed for a time of quiet away from the multitude, but he also saw their desire to separate their smaller group from the crowd. Instead of allowing the rift to grow, he invited them all to the table. He broke bread, gave thanks, shared it with everyone who followed him and ‘all ate and were filled.’

It is not easy to bring down the walls of division that have come up between us. It is not easy to heal the damage that discord has done to those on both sides. But it is not our burden: it is accomplished through Jesus Christ. All we have to do is break bread together, give thanks, and come to the table.

amusing

2006-07-15T09:03:00.000-04:00

I stumbled across the Discovery Health Activity Calculator, a nifty tool for seeing how many calories you burn while making beds or playing cards.

It gets even better. Did you know that praying (sitting or kneeling) in church will burn about 950 calories in 30 minutes? Or that you could calculate how many calories you burn while ushering?

Not to mention Crutches - walking with, Dancing - Jitterbug, Edging lawn - power edger.... The list is pretty endless. Near the end, I even found: Worms - digging worms.

My personal favorite, however, is definitely "Walking - to and from the outhouse (to is faster)"

in absentia

2006-07-14T11:49:00.000-04:00

it's been awhile.

it'll be awhile longer yet.

busy busy life:
55 hours per week in the hospital
papers/paperwork/etc
wedding stuff
sleeeeeeeep

4 more weeks of CPE remain.
7 weeks till I'm officially married.
8 weeks until orientation.
9 weeks until classes start.

wedding update

2006-06-27T13:46:00.000-04:00

Invitations went out late last week.

Caterer, florist, cake person are all lined up and ready to go.

We meet with the priest this Saturday. While Steve is here, we'll sample some restaurants for our rehearsal dinner.

We've made arrangements for a family picnic on the day after, at the estate/park owned by our college (free to alumni!) Still need to sort out the food for that and send invitations.

Dress has been in my closet since December. Must finish the little alterations I'm doing -- adding hook-and-eye closures for extra security.

Steve bought the rings we picked out a couple months ago. And booked the rooms we wanted for our four days in the wilds of New Hampshire. Such a nice boy.

Gifts for the people helping us are mostly ready.

So we're getting married! 68 days left!

now that'll blog

2006-06-24T13:31:00.000-04:00

I'm mostly over my peevishness. But there was a fantastic part of that dynamic that I have to share.

In the morning, after I had spent about 4 hours total with the mother and sisters of the patient, his uncle returned to say goodbye. He spent some time with his nephew and then (within two feet of me) said to the mother, "Where is the priest?"

Now, I was a little taken aback and didn't say or do anything. But this lady turned her head around and said quite politely but with emphasis, "This is the priest."

And I said to myself, Good on you, sister!

Now that'll blog. :)

peeved

2006-06-23T11:15:00.000-04:00

Well, I can understand it, but it still was super aggravating. There's only one Catholic priest at our hospital, and he is available during the day. I was called to see a patient and his family because death was imminent. I saw them and explained that the priest was not available and that the patient had received anointing by the priest (what is often called last rites). I prayed with them and was able to offer some comfort.

So it was a bit of a shocker that after I left, two of the family members went to a nurse and said that they were not satisfied and wanted to see a male priest. Then, some fool of a doctor tells them that there is a priest available to them. After an hour, I'm paged again and have to tell the family that this is not the case, and that the patient has received the sacraments of the church.

I am not a priest. I am not Catholic. I am not a man. Ergo, I am not good enough (for some).

Sometimes, I just want to spit. Pah. And then I do my best to be of comfort when they need me.

(There is a more enjoyable aspect of this saga, which I will post later.)

thoughts on mortality

2006-06-19T15:19:00.000-04:00

I have seen more death & dying in the last two weeks than ever in my life. (This is not exactly surprising, since I had never seen anyone actually die before.) I don't know what, precisely, I expected, but I have learned a lot about my understanding of death.

We are all going to die. This is the single, unavoidable truth of human life. However we might understand what is to come after, our lives end. Our breath ceases. We die.

But, we can choose how we approach death, for ourselves and for the people we love. Dying can happen in many ways. The loss will affect us regardless, but the death can be approached generously. There will always be pain and regret that we carry with us, but we have a choice about how much grace we're willing to accept.

There are many ways of dying, and just as many ways of letting a person die. As for me, I want to be at peace with death when he comes for me. I want my family to love me, miss me, but also to let grace in to ease the pain of loss. I want to die peacefully, rather than in fear and struggle.

For some families, because of circumstances, this is not possible. There are wounds and divisions that have not been healed. There are dreams and plans that cannot, if death comes, be realized. There are words that cannot be taken back, or cannot be said. When things remain undone, both the dying and those left behind find it much harder to let go. Death seems final, as if we lose all chance of reconciliation.

For myself, death is not the end of life. It is the end of this life, but it is not as if a door slams shut. Even faced with death, we can still express the grief and regrets that shadow our hearts. We can say goodbye and God speed. We can forgive and be forgiven. Death seems final to us because it is the end of what we know, but, for people of Christian faith, death holds the promise of life to come.

the first week review

2006-06-10T13:29:00.001-04:00

As many of you know, I am in CPE this summer. This means I am working in an institutional setting doing ministry under supervision and with reflection/learning. I am at a nonprofit multispecialty academic medical hospital with specialization in transplants, cardiac issues, and complicated medical issues. It is not a trauma center, and the demographic served is widely varied, but predominantly people with some resources. Although routine medical issues are treated, the majority of the patients come to this hospital after receiving care at other facilities because they require highly specialized care. The hospital has 1,500 full-time salaried physicians two major locations with more than 100 medical specialties and subspecialties. In 2005, 2.7 million patients came for treatment from every state and 100 countries. My facility operates at 98% of capacity on any given day and covers several city blocks.

My group is super-fantastic and my supervisor is also really wonderful. The tone is friendly, caring and without hostility, so I won't have a summer that becomes a CPE horror story. I have 3 units: adolescent psychiatry, pediatrics (general), and internal medicine; and one night on-call each week, where I'm in the hospital over night and respond to codes, crisis intervention pages, and deaths for the entire facility. My first on-call night was Thursday, and I had a training chaplain with me. We were pretty slow and he was tired, so I told him to go up to his on-call room and I would call him if I needed his assistance. It picked up briskly after that, and I was busy all night long, but I never felt out of my depth.

It was my favorite part of the experience so far, I guess because I felt like I made a difference. Day to day I make rounds and visit with patients, but the night is intense and my role seemed very clear (to me). I started off with praying with a family waiting for a surgical outcome, followed by a crisis intervention, went to a code (working primarily with the family; patient X was stabilized), went to a code where there was no family and the patient was transferred to ICU, went to another crisis intervention, responded to a second code for patient X (helped the family, who were continuing to arrive; patient was stabilized and taken to radiology for tests), while I was getting hotel information for the family that had driven in, patient X coded again in the CT scan room. The medical personnel could not get a normal rhythm and the patient died. I stayed with the family afterwards. Then, I reponded to another page in ICU, followed by a visit to a family after a death. I returned to the ICU to be with the mother of patient Y, who was undergoing a procedure.

In the middle of that (in the same ICU), I was with a family as a patient who had been taken off life support died. I had prayed with them and was reading from the psalms when the patient died and the nurse turned off the monitors. I remained for a short time, but they were not surprised and had time to prepare. After they had cried a little, they mostly relied on one another for comfort and didn't need me anymore. So, I returned to the mother of patient Y. As the patient's condition deteriorated, I went into the procedure room where the doctors made room for me so that I could give the patient a benediction. The mother wanted to know whether her child seemed tired, whether it was time, so I went because the medical work being done would have completely overwhelmed her. I reassured her about the decision to stop compressions, which had gone on for 1 hour, and held her while she cried and grieved and demanded to know why her child was dead. I sat with her and the patient afterwards and helped her contact the family and their pastor in another state and break the news to those who arrived afterwards.

I made pre-op rounds early in the morning and responded to another crisis intervention before handing off the on-call pager at 8am. It was a busy night, but I wasn't overwhelmed or afraid or confused. I did what was needed and I was able to help in the darkest moments of someone's life. I couldn't bring their children, mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, wives, or husbands back. I couldn't make everything okay again. I couldn't work miracles. But I could be there to support these families, to hold their hands while we prayed, to give them comfort in their pain and loss, to hold them while they cried in joy or sorrow, to hear about the lives their loved ones had lived, to listen to the regrets for things unsaid or for angry words that could not be taken back, and to ease tensions between family members.

I was there. And that made all the difference, even though it did nothing to change the outcome.

And it has made all the difference in me.

my current word of choice

2006-05-31T15:28:00.000-04:00

piffle:
(n) trivial nonsense;
(v) to talk or act in a trivial, inept, or ineffective way.

Do you have a word that's striking your fancy?

breathing space

2006-05-27T21:58:00.000-04:00

greek was brutal, but at least it's over for now. It took me four hours to finish the exam, mostly because of the parsings, although I was a little shaky on the less familiar vocabulary. it was a tough exam, made worse by the fact that it was at the end of finals and I was just burnt out by then.

we had a lazy saturday in this neck of the woods.. a little cleaning, a little financial accounting, a nap or two. all enhanced by some gingerbread scones (which weren't bad, but weren't dense enough to be called scones really).

summer is here, and brought the humidity to the party. when I'm a real grownup, I swear we're going to have AC.

dog craving

2006-05-21T23:04:00.000-04:00

I want to adopt a dog so badly it aches. I've even been dreaming about it for the last couple nights and I really, really hope we can persuade our landlord to allow a dog. So cross your fingers, think good thoughts, or send up a prayer, according to your preference. I'll take anything I can get, because I'm desperate to have a buddy of the canine variety.

In the meantime, I need to stop lusting for a dog and checking out the rescue websites to ogle pictures. Aside from the fact that I should be doing work, we wouldn't be getting the hypothetical dog until September, when hopefully most of the ones posted now will have homes.

I really, really, really want a dog. I'll do anything to make it happen and to be a good caretaker. So, here's hoping that it'll work out.

scone sandwich!

2006-05-20T19:04:00.000-04:00

cream scones, sprinkled with sugar, baked until golden brown; then halved and spread with blueberry jam and clotted cream. put it back together and devour.

what killed ethics in america?

2006-05-18T20:16:00.000-04:00

It seems to me that the United States became (principally in the 20th century) a culture focused on outcomes as the primary measure of success. I would suggest that this is a result of corporate culture spreading its influence throughout our society. The dominant business model is outcome-oriented. How you get there doesn't matter so much as how much money you make, how much you sell, how successful you are.

The end result is the main thing. Everything else, including ethics and conduct, comes secondary. Legality matters because it could hurt the bottom line, but otherwise, anything seems to go.

SO how can we resurrect ethics in America? Can we teach ethics in our schools? Can we, as the elements of our society, model a way of living and doing business in which the process matters as much as the outcome?

And for those of us who are people of faith, what does it mean to be the body of Christ in a culture that is centered on success to the exclusion of everything else?

last paper in, one exam to go

2006-05-17T13:39:00.000-04:00

My Anglican theologians paper is in (as of yesterday), and all that remains in this cycle is my Greek exam (next week).

I'm getting a jumpstart on my reading for the June term (which is, illogically, May 30 - June 2). I have to write a final paper for that class, and I'm hoping (irrationally) that I can finish it before CPE begins on June 5. It's on how to develop spiritual community within a congregation or other pastoral context. I think the first step is to figure out the context I want to use. I have a couple ideas, but I need to look at the readings before I'll know what would work best.

In other news, Steve and I have been cleaning since I took my scary exam last Friday. We did 18 loads of laundry over the weekend. 18. It was ridiculous, but necessary. We even went all out and washed the tablecloth and kitchen towels.

I have been returning books to the seminary library gradually, since I had 104 out at my peak. I've got it down to 48 now. I have to be careful about library books, since I use several libraries quite liberally. I don't want to accidentally take public library books back to the seminary library or EDS books to Harvard, etc.

baby!!

2006-05-15T11:48:00.000-04:00

Margaret Astrid, lookin' cute with her papa :)

rain, rain

2006-05-14T14:06:00.000-04:00

go away,
come again
another day.

baby update

2006-05-13T22:10:00.000-04:00

Mom and baby are both doing well. Nick is entirely besotted with Margaret Astrid, who is already Maggie. It's pretty cool that they'll be going home tomorrow, on Mother's Day.

Nora's parents are on their way, and I wish we could go, but my schedule is jammed for the next three months -- if it were an hour away, I would try to fit it in, but it's a cross country flight, which isn't feasible, financially and timewise.

But we're hopefully going to see pictures soon!! And we'll see the baby at our wedding in September :)

it's a girl!!

2006-05-13T00:11:00.000-04:00

As of 8:17 PST on May 12th, I am an aunt!!! Melon (the pre-birth name -- they were so excited/tired they didn't tell us the final decision on the name) weighed in at 8lb 7oz and was 20 inches long.

So congratulations to Nick and Nora!! And hooray for being an aunt!

the insanity

2006-05-11T19:07:00.000-04:00

final (nt) tomorrow, 8:30 to 11am
paper due: 5/16
final (greek): 5/25

pastoral theology intensive class: 5/30 - 6/2, 9am - 5pm

flight 6/3, 6:30-8:30am

cpe starts 6/5, monday to friday 8-5:30, thursday overnights

cpe ends 8/11

going to the chapel 9/2

fall semester begins 9/18

tired

2006-05-07T23:18:00.000-04:00

yep.

good thing I have a final friday. for which much studying remains to be done. (perhaps, just maybe, because I neglected to go to class as diligently as I ought to have done. oops. -- but really, it was at 8:30!! steve says: didn't you learn that lesson in college?) well, nothing to do about it now but haul my cookies for the next four days.

yep. th-th-thats all folks.

walkin'

2006-05-07T20:53:00.000-04:00

Did a charity walk today. 10 miles before my feet were just too sore to go on. Good work!

And then I totally took a nap and woke up 10 minutes before I had to leave for church to serve as the sacristan. Fr. Benjamin was lucky he got me today, but definitely kudos to him for finishing all 20 miles.

derby day!

2006-05-06T18:11:00.000-04:00

What a fantastic day for horse racing! And, ESPN is showing all of the races from Churchill beginning at noon, which is excellent -- often you only get the big races televised.

Edit -- Barbaro won by 6 1/2 lengths, which is pretty remarkable. Two weeks till the Preakness! We'll see what happens next..

kentucky oaks!

2006-05-05T17:57:00.000-04:00

because I love thoroughbred racing! go fillies!!

learnings

2006-05-04T09:52:00.000-04:00

I have learned somethings from this semester.. (surprise, surprise). There are all the academic things, of course, but I also learned a great deal about myself (cue sappy muzak).

So, advice to myself for the future:

Do not jam all your classes into three days and end up in class from 8:30 to 6. This is a bad idea. You will be tired all week long.
Do not ignore who you are. People mean well by suggesting you should not take too many classes, but you like intellectual challenges, so remember that when you get bored, your work suffers more than having a lot on your plate. Find the balance between too little and too much.
Do not forget to take time for yourself, to indulge a little. Yoga, walks, quiet time, pedicures. Do not let all the demands on your time encroach on the space you carve out for yourself.
Do not neglect your friendships. Make time for conversation, hanging out, laughter.
Always love the world and the life you have. You are lucky, blessed, and happy. Be grateful for these gifts and try to share them with others. Do not lose the joy in the growth of small flowers, the squirrel who visits your steps, and the birds who sing for us.

I have a home!

2006-05-02T21:30:00.000-04:00

I'll be staying with parishoners from my sponsoring parish for the summer while I'm in CPE. They also happen to be college friends of my late grandparents. So I have a roof, and better yet, I have cool people to stay with. I won't be alone, I'll have people around. I have a home! It's more than just a roof and a bed. *happy dance*

naming

2006-05-02T13:16:00.000-04:00

So, I'm thinking of using my middle name instead of Jennifer (my first name).

I'm trying to imagine what that will be like.. I've been Jennifer (or some variation) all my life. I'm trying to think about whether I'm a Claire.. Or whether I could be a Claire. Could I wear that name like it really belongs to me?

And then I think, wow, this is silly. It's just a name. People go by all sorts of names.. it's not that significant. At least I have options. I could be something annoying, like Patience (now, that would be ironic). I could have an icky name I hated.

I'm undecided long term. But I have CPE this summer, and for those ten weeks I will be Claire. If I don't like it, I don't have to keep it.

Thoughts?

schadenfreude

2006-05-01T20:19:00.000-04:00

I like to think I'm a fairly nice person. Not perfect, mind, but pretty decent to other people.

So it's always a bit of a surprise when I am delighted at others' troubles.

I was crossing an intersection where no left turns are allowed (and certainly not when the light is red) when a car going about 25mph makes a left turn, going right by me. Now, I was all set to be a little cranky about this, but not too upset, as they didn't hit me.

When from behind me a siren goes full blast and a cop car blazes past to get the guy. (The siren was really loud and started about 10 ft behind me. I literally jumped.)

It's a rare thing when the police are around to see and actually stop and ticket someone for making an illegal turn.

And an evil little part of me piped up and yelled 'Hallelujah! Finally, some SOB is getting what he deserves. The jerk!' What's a little joy in the suffering of others between friends?

one down....

2006-05-01T14:37:00.000-04:00

The largest of my two remaining papers is done, turned in and checked off. Yay!

That leaves: NT final, Greek final (translating sections of Matthew), and a historical theology paper.

Managable.

coincidences

2006-04-30T20:09:00.000-04:00

It's funny how our paths cross with people in unexpected ways.

Today at church, I was hunting down my student sacristan just before the service. A woman stopped me to ask if the church was open. I said, Sure, there's an organ recital right now and at 5 there's a Eucharist. She seemed to desperately want to go to the service, but worried about not being dressed up. And so I made sure to reassure her and to do the normal things: being friendly and giving her a service leaflet.

I'm not sure why, but somehow this must have made a difference, because after the service, she thanked me for my kindness. To me, it was common, but by coincidence she needed someone to be welcoming. I wonder if everyone who comes to the church door finds the welcome they desperately need. Unfortunately, the answer is probably no. But I can't think of anything more important for the church to be. We're the representatives of Christ on earth. The very least we can do is greet people with a smile and welcome them into the house of God.

shelties!

2006-04-30T10:12:00.000-04:00

Mom went on a trip to the coast of Georgia in her RV... with three very cute Shelties! They look as happy as clams, which isn't surprising, since I hear they got all kinds of attention from the kids at the campground.

Ollie is the fluffy lion one on the left. Emma is in the middle, perhaps a little distracted by something interesting, like a bug. Fiona is on the right, looking like the beautiful princess she is.

current project:

2006-04-29T18:09:00.000-04:00

Christology paper. Rough title: The Centrality of Incarnation in Anglican Theology since the 19th Century.. Topics of interest: Implications for Salvation, the Cross, Resurrection, Ethics, Baptism, Reconciliation/Confession, Ministry.

Bloggin' about it is much more interesting than actually putting my nose to the grindstone and writing the darn thing.

Yup.

cookies! and milk!

2006-04-29T16:42:00.000-04:00

I seriously heart milano mint cookies. Yum.

My christology paper looks more interesting already.

NFL draft day:

2006-04-29T12:27:00.000-04:00

'nough said. Yay football!

Commentary: I don't understand why the Browns would deal with the Baltimore Ravens. They're such rivals, and they're also in the same division. It's over and done with now, but I found it surprising.

First round was interesting, but I'm not into it enough to find the second round fascinating.

lalala .. lalala...

2006-04-27T22:39:00.000-04:00

I don't want to do my work.... nope. I might have a paper or two (three actually) or finals (two), but let's not talk about those. Nope.

Denial... I could resist, but somehow it's so very seductive.

I can't stop...

2006-04-27T13:54:00.000-04:00

...playing Otis Redding's "Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay" (the line that gets me is 'Look like nothings going to change / everything still remains the same')

...and Peter, Paul and Mary's "Early in the Morning" (which Steve describes as seventies Jesus music..)

And so, I just play one and then the other... several times. For the last week. I'm wondering when I'll get tired of these and switch to a new music obsession. And I'm sure Steve is wondering that even more, as he is less enamored of them... as in not at all.. :)

meme from yodabeth

2006-04-26T15:10:00.000-04:00

Do you have:
(1) your own cell phone
( ) a television in your bedroom
(2) an MP3 player
( ) a photo printer
( ) own phone line
( ) TiVo or a generic digital video recorder
(3) high-speed internet access (i.e., not dialup)
( ) a surround sound system in bedroom
( ) DVD player in bedroom (see the tv thing)
( ) at least a hundred DVDs
(4) a childfree bathroom
(5) your own in-house office
( ) a pool
( ) a guest house
( ) a game room
(6) a queen-size bed or larger
( ) a stocked bar
(7) a working dishwasher
( ) an icemaker
(8) a working washer and dryer
( ) more than 20 pairs of shoes
( ) at least ten things from a designer store
( ) expensive sunglasses
( ) framed original art (not lithographs or prints)
( ) Egyptian cotton sheets or towels
(9) a multi-speed bike (but I don't have a car, and I use my bike for commuting and errands)
( )a gym membership
( ) your own set of golf clubs
( ) a pool table
( ) a tennis court
(10) local access to a lake, large pond, or the sea
( ) your own pair of skis
( ) enough camping gear for a weekend trip in an isolated area
( ) a boat
( ) a jet ski
( ) a neighborhood committee membership
( ) a beach house or a vacation house/cabin
(11) wealthy family members
( ) two or more family cars
( ) a walk-in closet or pantry
(12) a yard
( ) a hammock
( ) a personal trainer
(13) good credit
(14) expensive jewelry
( ) a designer bag that required being on a waiting list to get
( ) at least $100 cash in your possession right now
( ) more than two credit cards bearing your name (not counting gas cards or debit cards)
(15) a stock portfolio
(16) a passport
( ) a horse
(17) a trust fund (either for you or created by you)
(18) private medical insurance (at least in theory)
(19) a college degree, and no outstanding student loans

Do you:
( ) shop for non-needed items for yourself (like clothes, jewelry, electronics) at least once a week
(20) do your regular grocery shopping at high-end or specialty stores (Whole Foods.. because I am serious about the quality of my vegetables)
( ) pay someone else to clean your house, do dishes, or launder your clothes (not counting dry cleaning)
( ) go on weekend mini-vacations
( ) send dinners back with every flaw
(21) wear perfume or cologne
( ) regularly get your hair styled or nails done in a salon (every 3 months)
( ) have a job but don't need the money OR
( ) stay at home with little financial sacrifice
( ) pay someone else to cook your meals
( ) pay someone else to watch your children or walk your dogs
( ) regularly pay someone else to drive your taxis
( ) expect a gift after you fight with your partner

Are you:
( ) an only child
( ) married/partnered to a wealthy person
( ) baffled/surprised when you don't get your way

Have you:
( ) been on a cruise
(22) traveled out of the country
( ) met a celebrity
( ) been to the Caribbean
( ) been to Hawaii
( ) been to New York
( ) eaten at the space needle in Seattle
( ) been to the Mall of America
( ) been on the Eiffel tower in Paris
( ) been on the Statue of Liberty in New York
( ) moved more than three times because you wanted to
(23) dined with local political figures (I would guess that they include state elected officials and US senators and congressmen.. but I was a cog in the political party machine for a few years)
(24) been to both the Atlantic coast and the Pacific coast

Did you:
( ) go to another country for your honeymoon
( ) hire a professional photographer for your wedding or party
(25) took riding or swimming lessons as a child
( ) attend private school
( ) have a Sweet 16 birthday party

sun! shining!

2006-04-26T15:00:00.000-04:00

The sun is out, the breeze is light, the air is dry and a lovely 62 degrees. As Joy would say, flippin' amazing.

Amen, sister.

I like dirt..

2006-04-25T20:45:00.000-04:00

I'm longing for a garden of my own, with all the new growth of spring around. Lamb's ear, forsythia, pansies, snapdragons. I want to have my own earth to turn and plant and watch. I want to see things push upward each year and I want to tend my own space. Someday I'll have a house of my own and land to dig my fingers into. For now, I have been satisfying myself with things that grow in pots. I have a lovely topiary azalea, and pothos. A big leafy green tropical. A pot of ivy. On my kitchen windowsill, I've put rosemary, spearmint, thyme, and sage.

Updates!

2006-04-16T22:17:00.000-04:00

Ok. I solemnly swear to be far more diligent about posting from this point forwards. We'll see how it goes. In the meantime, I've posted all of the sermons I've given this semester, which are:

Easter Evening (Apr. 16, Chaplaincy Eucharist)
Fourth Sunday in Lent (Mar. 26, 7:45 & 11 am, St. Paul's)
Fourth Sunday in Lent (Mar. 26, 9 am, St. Paul's)
Third Sunday in Lent (Mar. 19, Chaplaincy Eucharist)
Seventh Sunday after Epiphany (Feb. 19, Chaplaincy Eucharist)

I hope you'll read one or two and leave comments, although I know it's quite a bit to read all at once.

feeding the five thousand

2006-04-16T21:42:00.000-04:00

Ok -- so it wasn't 5,000. It was more like 24. Steve and I made an Easter dinner for the Chaplaincy students. (I admit, mostly Steve. I was preaching.)

We were expecting about 16. 24 people came. The food was just enough -- no one went away hungry.

We served:

leg of lamb braised in red wine and stuffed with herbs,
leg of lamb (roasted) with a cumin-lemon spice rub,
parmesan zucchini,
asparagus (blanched and chilled) with a citrus vinagrette dressing,
creamed spinach,
mashed cauliflower,
roasted potatoes with garlic,
trifle (orange sponge cake, marscapone whipped cream, blueberries, raspberries, blackberries, and strawberries).

And then there were many dishes to clean. It was super fun, the food was great (thanks Steve!), but dinner parties are hard work.

Easter Evening Homily

2006-04-16T21:19:00.000-04:00

Texts: Acts 5:29b, 30-32; Psalm 136; Luke 24:13-35

I can’t really imagine a day in the Christian calendar about which more has been said than this day. And for good reason, because this is the day that defines our faith.

We knew the ending of this story even before we began Lent forty days ago, but each year we return to Jesus’ last weeks and days. And each year on this day, we remember and relive His rising.

I want to pause for a moment to reflect on just how remarkable this is. THIS is the most wonderful thing that has ever happened in this world and in our lives. And it is for us. We must always remember this one truth: Jesus has risen today, this very morning, in our hearts. It is as real as it was 2000 years ago.

It is in this way that we are witnesses, just as the women at the tomb, the disciples on the road to Emmaus, and the apostles in Jerusalem and Galilee witnessed the risen Christ. We share the Easter-moment with them, here and now.

That is what makes this day remarkable: it is the realization of all that Jesus said and did. It is the moment of hope that belongs to each and every person.

In the encounter on the way to Emmaus, the two disciples experience and know Jesus fully in the breaking of the bread. It is in coming to the table that we, too, can begin to know Jesus more fully.

Like the disciples, we are on the road, on a journey together. And when we meet Jesus, will we recognize him? Will we know him when we meet on the way? At the turn of the last century, Frank Weston, a priest and missionary in Tanzania, wrote:

You are Christians, then your Lord is one and the same with Jesus on the throne of His glory, with Jesus in His blessed sacrament, with Jesus received into your hearts in Communion, with Jesus enshrined in the hearts and bodies of His brothers and sisters up and down the world.

Now go out into the highways and hedges, and look for Jesus in the ragged and naked, in the oppressed and sweated, in those who have lost hope, in those who are struggling.

Let your eyes be open to the presence of Jesus yet among us. Let us know Jesus in them, and let us break bread with one another. We have, today, experienced the rising of Jesus Christ. We have, like the disciples on the road, an amazing story to tell. So let us go forth, strengthened by the meal of fellowship that we share today, and let us go forth to tell the story of our Savior, not only in our words, but in our actions, not only with our voices but with our hands, with our love, with everything we have to give.

Because we have been given the greatest gift ever given this holy week. Jesus gave his life for us, for all of us. And, in the midst of doubts, darkness, and disappointments, we have also been blessed, alongside his companions, by hope in the resurrection of Christ on the third day. We have been given so much, and these blessings are not ours to keep but instead belong to each and every person. So share the joy, the love, and the hope that this Easter day has brought to us.

We have been offered a great gift, but it is up to us to pass on the good news, to witness to the risen Lord, and to bring the kingdom of God into reality. In this way, we become part of the gift that God has given the world this day, by telling the story of the resurrection and by remembering who Christ has called us to be. In the resurrection, God overcomes death and brings light into the darkest hour; there is hope for the kingdom that Jesus had lived and died to preach. When we recognize the spirit of Christ in one another, we are bringing about the kingdom in our own lives. We must live out the hope of Easter-morning each day, remembering that we, too, are witnesses to the power of God and the promise of abundant life.

Let us, as the Psalmist did, give thanks to God who created us and redeemed us, who lived and walked with us in ancient Palenstine, who is with us still.

Let us give thanks to God for this easter day and for the blessed one who came in the name of the Lord. Let us give thanks to the risen Lord, here and now, but also in everything we do.

Let us give thanks that Jesus, the Christ, is made known to us in the breaking of bread.

Let us praise God for we have much to give thanks for! Alleluia, alleluia! Amen!

argh!

2006-04-13T15:10:00.000-04:00

I can't believe it's been so long! Life has been hugely busy, and the online stuff just had to hit the back burner for a little while... thanks to Mary Beth for popping in and checking up on me. I'm definitely going to try and post more often (which shouldn't be hard.. I'm pretty sure I can do better than every couple months!)

So, to ease into it, I'm going to post a couple of the sermons I gave over the past few months, and then hopefully I can do a thorough update.

Main thing on the mind this week: preaching Sunday at the chaplaincy. Starting to freak out. I keep telling myself it doesn't have to be the best ever. It's Easter. I'm pretty sure that many people have said much more profound things than I'll be able to say. I'm not persuaded though. I think Easter is one of those Sundays you can't be lackluster. So.. hopefully I don't completely lose it.

Sermon, Fourth Sunday in Lent (7:45am, 11am services)

2006-03-26T15:31:00.000-05:00

Texts: Numbers 21:4-9; Psalm 107:1-3,17-22; Ephesians 2:1-10; John 3:14-21.

For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son so that everyone who believes in him may not perish but may have eternal life.

This is one of those verses of Scripture that sits uncomfortably with me. I think we all have one of these: something that makes us stretch and struggle and that we might even disagree with. This verse is right up there with “I am the way, the life, and the truth” for me.

When we read Scripture, we can’t simply turn off who we are, our history, our experiences. It’d be a whole lot simpler if we could just clear all of that out and just absorb what the Bible tells us. But that isn’t true to who we are as human beings. We come from families that shape us, from places that have taught us joy and sadness, from a whole range of experiences. We bring all of who we are before God each day.

So, I have to confess that when I read this Gospel passage, it provokes something deep within me. It strikes a nerve.

Perhaps many of you are in the same boat. Perhaps this is for you, as it is for me, one of those passages you hurry through because its implications are hard to contemplate, let alone accept without fighting it. This passage, and especially the over-quoted verse within it, are so tremendously difficult for me because of what they imply for those who don’t believe. As promises go, believers are pretty well off, but the picture seems grim for everyone else.

In a world where people of many faiths, nationalities, and cultures live and work together, this passage sounds harsh and closed-minded. It is challenging for me because I was brought up in the Unitarian-Universalist tradition, and my closest family – my mother, father, and sister – don’t share my Christian faith.

When I became a Christian, I struggled with this very passage. For years. What did it mean for my family? Would God really condemn my mother? How could God, who loves me, hurt those whom I love? And if he would, can I really put my trust and faith in Him?

At the time of the Gospel’s writing, this wasn’t any easier. Christianity was gradually becoming more distinct and separate from its Jewish origins, and this verse divide could friend from friend, father from son, and mother from daughter. Our culture has developed the idea that church and family are inseparable, but in the ancient world, faith could and did divide families.

For Jesus, for the Gospel writers, for the apostles, the disciples, and the crowd, this is a matter of life and death. It is the most important concern of their lives, and it went far beyond the ties of family. This was rather amazing in the context of the Jewish Law, where God commanded the Israelites to honor their fathers and mothers. Instead, it would prove divisive. But for the followers of Jesus, then and now, the presence of Christ among us surpasses even the most important relationships we have.

This is a demanding faith, but it is also full of hope. We look to Jesus, crucified on the cross, and that moment captures the whole of his life and ministry. He set aside himself for others. When we look to Christ lifted on the cross, we know what came before and what is yet to come. We can see the whole of his story in an instant. To believe in the message of Christ is to have hope, joy, and to know that, even in sorrow and doubt, something wonderful can happen.

This kind of deep joy and abiding hope is precisely what the Gospels are trying to convey, and it is the message that has called people to faith for two thousand years.

It is no trivial thing to convert from one tradition to another. It is one of those difficult processes in our lives, one that takes time and effort. We are a people, we human beings, who are defined by time and place, and by the experiences that are so habitual we can’t imagine anything else. We grow, like the trees that reach high above the ground, very deep roots. And as our lives go on, our roots go deeper and deeper. Entering a new faith, like starting a new family in marriage or losing a dear friend, forces us to uproot from where we have been, perhaps even from everything we’ve known. The world looks different, it has a different shape to it, because we have been wrenched out of place. When we are called to leave behind what we have known and enter into an unknown territory, it can be terrifying to put down new roots. It takes time, and it can be incredibly painful to grow into a new place when you’re still grieving for the old and familiar.

It is a trauma to be uprooted and moved. It is a time that requires greater care and attention. For us, our traumas can be either joyous or deeply painful – or even both at the same time. Either way, there is a time in which you and I have to grieve for what has been before we can enter fully into what is yet to come.

All of this is to say that I am still struggling with John 3:16, despite being baptized and confirmed eleven years ago, and I expect that I will continue to do so. In these struggles, I am reminded by the passage around this troublesome verse to look to Jesus.

We are, today, halfway through the season of Lent, and we are beginning to look with hope towards the Easter moment. Even though the Gospel challenges our sensibilities and makes us wrestle with it, it speaks of hope. The parts of Scripture that sit uneasily with us are exactly what keeps our faith from becoming rote and habitual. It keeps our attention, makes us think, and helps us to grow stronger in our faith.

And this is what I have learned from wrestling with this small piece of Scripture: God loved the world – the whole earth and all of humankind – from the beginning. It is because of this love that God walked with us in the Garden. It is because of this great love that God appeared to Moses in the burning bush. It is this same love that entered the world in the person of Jesus, called the Messiah. Because of this love, Jesus Christ brought a message of hope and life. It is because of this love that we look to the cross as a symbol of the power of God to transform our lives.

In the wilderness at Mount Hor, God offered a gift of life to ease the fears of the Israelites. And in first century Palestine, God extended an invitation of hope to the entire world. It is not a thing or an object, but a person – living, breathing, born into life just as we are. This is the greatest gift I have ever received, and it is one I share with each and every one of you. Even more, the gift of Jesus Christ is not only for those of us here today, or for those who share our branch of the Church, but for all who are created, because it comes from God, who gives all of us life and breath.

We put our trust in the God who loves us and in whom we live and move and have our being. We look toward Christ Jesus, in whom we have hope, not only for ourselves, but also for those we share our lives with.

Amen.